A new level of mad

My friends will tell you that I am far from normal, and have always done things different. However, when I found myself stood in the orchard the other day whistling for four little chickens called the Famous Four, I knew I had reached a whole new level of crazy!

We have had several batches of chicks over the months, however, the first ones that survived have always been close to our hearts. We have watched them grow from tiny chicks, to small chickens and when they began to try to fly out of the maternity wing, I knew it was time to release them back into the main orchard.

Now like any mother, this was a daunting time, these four looked so small alongside the larger chickens, and my biggest fear was that they didn't roost in the trees like the other birds. Sleeping on the floor in the orchard is a dangerous business, and I didn't want to lose the Famous Four to some wild animal in the night.

The first day we let them out, I watched as they ran out and observed their new playground, and like any small child, they very quickly ran behind me as the large roosters approached. After a few minutes, and some encouraging words they slowly made their way into the big world...

As night time approached I went to the orchard to find them huddled next to the maternity wing door, wanting to go back to the comfort of their cosy box. As I opened the door they ran in and never looked back, this was going to be harder than I thought. This pattern continued for several days where they would leave to explore but every night return to the comfort of the 5 star maternity wing.

After a week the famous four began to get braver, and would venture further and further back into the orchard, so much so, that one day when I went down, they were no where to be seen. I began to panic, had they got out, had they been taken, so, there I stood whistling and calling like a mad woman for four small chickens!

My doubting children stood in the orchard asking what on earth I was doing, and how on earth would chickens come by whistling, but they had forgotten I was the chicken whisperer! (I use this title when it suits me) My mad behaviour paid off, and from behind the trees emerged the famous four looking very pleased with themselves.

That night they didn't wait to be let into the maternity wing, and I thought they had finally grown up and learnt to roost, however, when I went down to check on them, they were quite happily tucked up with the pig in her straw! oh well, they were happy, and what better protector than a 20kg pig in a big pile of mud!

Ooops I did It Again!

I have a very bad habit of going out for one thing and returning with something entirely different. Now this wasn't such a huge issue when we lived in a normal house, and I would pop to the shops for butter and return with coffee. However, now I tend to pop out for say chilli's and return with goats! Which some would say was normal!

My husband has now got to the stage of offering to go out for what we need, in fear of what I return with on my next trip out, however, in my defence it could have been far worse than goats. Just in case you are wondering, no, you cannot get goats in the local supermarket. I popped into the garden centre again, which does seem to be my downfall.

I needed to discuss mango's with him, and had no intention of leaving with any animals, as I entered through the doors, I kept saying be strong! After the mango discussion had been had, the subject swiftly turned to animals....as it always does. As we wandered through his huge array of different animals, he offered me horses, dogs, cats, another pig, all of which  I remained strong and said no.

The problem was he was heading towards the goats, this was my biggest test of strength as these small cute animals are very tempting. The sensible part of me was saying no, what would I do with goats, however, milk, and cheese were popping into my head. I stood my ground for at least 10 minutes, explaining I had no money, and no where to put the goat.

Unfortunately, the garden centre man is fantastic at bartering, and by the time I walked out of the garden centre, I had in fact, agreed to have two goats.....if you are wondering where I suddenly got the money to pay for the goats, I swapped them for mango's of course!! This was going to be a difficult one to explain to the husband, oh well at least I sold the mango's sort of!!

Mango Season :-)

Over the last few weeks I have been watching my mangos grow with anticipation of when they would need to be picked. As the trees begun to buckle under the weight of the amount of mango's I had, it suddenly occurred to me I was going to need help and a huge saucepan to make chutney. Now, as everyone knows Google is god, however, on this occasion I thought I needed a human being to guide me on the mango picking process.

We made a call to our friendly garden centre guy, who popped round to advise us on the mangos and mangas as it appeared we had. Now if like me you are a mango novice, you will be forgiven for thinking there is only one type of mango. God, no there are loads, in fact we have five different types of mango's just to make life even more difficult.

After an hour long walk through the orchards, being advised on different mangos, when to pick them, how to pick them, where to store, them, and how to eat them I was left even more confused. However, never one to turn down a challenge, the guy had said that if we picked the mangos's he would sell them at the farmers market.

This was excellent news and meant that we didn't have to eat mangos for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next 6 months...the harvesting began, and the crates begun to fill. Fruit picking is far harder than you imagine, and takes a considerable amount of balance and skill. You have to perch yourself on top of  a ladder with a cutter and a fruit picker, and attempt to get the mango in the fruit picker.

Needless to say that this event took far longer than anticipated, however we discovered some monster sized mango's which would be perfect for the market. Three hours later with our 6 crates filled we felt happy, until we reached the orchard gates turned and realised that we had not even touched the tip of the iceberg, and had thousands left to pick...

Oh No Not Again!

Chicks were something that I hadn't really thought about, however, when we found one of the feral chickens and some chicks in a cactus in the barranco one day it was rather exciting. We pondered what to do with these small creatures and their obviously stupid mother, and knew that  we had to get them back to the finca.

We carefully transported mum and babies back home, and released them into what I considered to be a secure pen.Now yet again I am no chicken expert and was seriously confused what to do with these small but rather cute creatures..off to Google I went, and returned with knowledge about food, water and comfort...

The next morning I returned to my new mum and babies to discover they were dead..this was the first moment since arriving that farm life was not fun. Unfortunately my children consider me to be the animal whisperer and an expert on every animal in the world...I would like to clarify that I am not and spend a huge amount of time, saying "I just don't know"

Back to Google and it seems that chicks do just die, this made me feel slightly better, but I was still upset by the fact that these fragile little chicks "just die" rapidly after this we found another mum and babies, and another, and another, and another. One was 80ft up a mountain, another was on the roof...these chickens really are dumb!

We rapidly had to build a maternity wing for our new born chicks and their mums and learnt along the way what we could do with them and what was not good. Some have died, however, more have survived and we now have far too many chicks!! At one time it was exciting to find a batch of little chicks, now we simply groan and say "oh no not again"

Rookie mistake!!

When we arrived on the finca, there were many of the trees that had fruit on them which was an exciting thought. The concept of growing your own produce, and being able to wander through the trees picking the different fruits appeals to many people. Therefore, I was delighted that we had so many different fruit trees to enjoy.

Once I had moved away from the dilema of what to do with the lemons, I noticed that I had ripe mangos...now what to do with them? Being curry lovers the first thing that came to mind was mango chutney. I discovered the perfect recipe, began making this delicious chutney, and was delighted that I had found something that both us and other people would enjoy.

Now, everything that I do is a money making idea, so I set about marketing this delicious mango chutney with huge success. People were ordering the chutney, and more needed to be made, which was not a problem, I had mangos on hand or did I?

Off I skipped to the orchard with my basket in hand and a smile on my face working out the profit margin of a jar of chutney. However, there were no mangos! my first thought was that the Canary Island mango thief had struck, but on reflection this may not have been the right answer. As I walked back to the house feeling rejected and confused, I begun to consider where all the mangos were.

Just like a light bulb it came to me......it wasn't mango season! Living here in GC you learn that everything we grow is seasonal. It is not like Tesco's where you can pop in for some strawberries during December, it has to be the right time of year! Therefore, this was obviously not the right time of year for mangos, on telling my best friend this news she laughed and said "Rookie mistake" and trust me this was not the first we made!

So, what do pigs eat?

Peppa (the pig) was settling in well, however, I was concerned that she was not getting enough food and thought more hours on Google were needed. Everything I googled suggested that pigs will eat everything...now does that mean everything that is edible, or everything that she comes into contact with...

As I ponder this question, I remember reading once that pigs will dispose of bodies very easily, and considered if this could save Peppa from the dinner table, as we put her to work as an assassin. I'm sure there are plenty of people that would pay us for my pig to dispose of their "problems" Do you think this might be illegal??

Anyway , back to the problem in hand, I needed to ensure that Peppa ate enough to fatten her up, and ensure that in five months she would be  the right weight...Scraps was an option, however, if you have ever had dinner in my house, you will soon see that my family leave nothing! The Spanish families gather the scraps from friends and family, however, this is great in theory, until you have a bucket of cold, left overs in your car, which does stink! 


We asked a few restaurant owners we knew for their scraps, which they happily gave us...transporting these caused arguments from the children, who didn't want to be near other peoples left over food...I needed a plan B and fast, Peppa was stood at her pen door, bowl in hand like Oliver asking "For more please"

There was only one solution, I was going to have to cook Peppa lunch....yes I just said I was cooking my pig her own lunch!! Knowing that pigs will eat anything, I thought this should be an easy task, however, it became a daily headache. Will she get bored of potatoes, is she receiving too much starch, is there enough flavour, I found myself debating the pigs lunch for far too long everyday.

Currently she has a daily diet of scraps (if any) fruit mainly papayas as they smell of baby sick, and we cant find anyone that likes them! potatoes, vegetables, fruit and pasta, mixed with pig food....Someone once told me that organic pigs are far healthier, and will taste of what you feed them...I wonder if I feed her curry for the next five months she will taste of Madras...hmmmm now there is a delicious thought.

Lemons...so much more than just decoration in your gin and tonic!

Like many people lemons were a fruit that I would occasionally buy at the supermarket when I needed one for my gin and tonic. However, when we moved here it very quickly became apparent that due to the sheer numbers of this fruit that I had available, I would either need to become an alcoholic, or find some other uses.


Now laying in a pool of gin and tonic does sound appealing, however, I needed to be practical and had to use the huge amounts of lemons that I had ripe and ready to be picked. Cookbook ready, I discovered many different lemon recipes all of which sounded delicious. 


After lemon cakes, lemon meringue pie, lemon sauce, lemon cheesecake and lemons with everything, I turned my attention to lemon curd! this straightforward recipe would surely guarantee to use the lemons and stop me having cold sweats in the night about wasting food, and the many different uses that lemons are excellent for...


After we had eaten and drunk enough lemons to declare ourselves officially bored, I decided to research other things that you could do with lemons... Now, without boring you to death, lemons are an amazing fruit with  a huge array of different health benefits...ok, I've lost you already, but did you now that lemons have a strong antibacterial and immune boosting property. They can aid digestion, and help to cleanse your liver (after all the gin)


I began to see the humble lemon in a different light, and soon realised that this small, yellow fruit was fascinating. It can help with exhaustion, which I am in a permanent state of, and is ideal for anxiety issues, which I didn't have before the lemon issue!


Whether you have a sore throat, calluses, a fever or eczema, lemons are fantastic, they also taste delicious as a lemon drizzle cake...so next time you go to wander past the lemons in the supermarket, consider what else you can do with this humble fruit, other than sliced, alongside the ice...