I achieved the impossible

There are moments in life, when you need to take a step back and look at what you have achieved with a sense of pride. Most things I touch here turn to disaster, but miraculously I have managed to grow tomatoes. Now to some this may seem a common achievement, but to me this was in fact a miracle.

I have on several occasions attempted to grow different things, but either forgot to water them, left them in the sun, or allowed something with four legs to eat the plant. However, I was determined to grow something, and everyone claims that tomatoes are sooooooooo easy!

Growing up my grandfather grew tomatoes, and they were amazing, I remember sitting watching him as he spent hours in his vegetable garden and greenhouse. I hope that my amazing achievement will make him proud, as I still cannot believe that I have grown something, and it is edible.

I am also growing chilis and celery, both of which are also thriving, although we will not be bale to live of what I am growing it is a start. I have a plan to attempt a couple more plants/vegetables and see what happens. What is the worst that can go wrong, oh yeah they die and I fail, oh well won't be the first time, so here is to my first little steps on the path to self sufficiency.

Chicken Myths

Chickens are the strangest creatures, and not what you ever expect, and over the last year I have learnt a huge amount about their behaviour and how they think. I like many people had clear opinions of chickens, but they are not what you expect.

Chicken lovers tell you all the time that chickens are smart, however, I can clarify will complete certainty that they are in fact stupid. Like humans there are a few clever ones in the bunch, but I seem to have the dumb ones. The range of stupidity is incredible, and I seem to have my fair share of the dumbest chickens.

Chickens can't fly, or so we all think until they want something, and although their flight is not graceful, and they do not soar like eagles, they can manage 13 seconds in the air. This may not seem a huge amount, but when they want to escape, they summon all of their will power, brain power and endurance to clear the fence.

Chickens are often referred to as Mother Hens, but I have to say there are no mothering instincts in these birds at all, in fact I would say they even make me look like mother of the year. The worrying thing with chickens is that they will devour a whole tray of scrambled egg without a second glance. They also enjoy egg shells, omlettes, frittatas, french toast, fried eggs and egg shells. Yes, chickens eat their young, they are cannibals and love it.

With all this in mind, you do ask yourself why so many people choose to keep stupid, flighty cannibals!

Dog Biscuit Thief

Food is always going missing here in Casa Chaos, and typically the goats are blamed for every disappearance. As you all know we have caught Jack with his head in the feed bins on more than one occasion  However, this time it wasn't the goats that had been stealing the dog biscuits, and finally we caught the culprit.

There is often a bowl of dog biscuits left down by the orchard, in the dog pen, and even with no dogs around these biscuits were vanishing. Not quickly, not in one batch, but slowly over time they were defiantly going. No animal can get in to the pen without being let in, so unless the goats had learnt to un bolt doors, and close as they exit, it wasn't them.

To be honest Jack and Jill do have fussy eating habits, and dog biscuits had never appealed to them in the past. However, in Casa Chaos we never say never, and stranger things have happened, than goats eating dog biscuits. I was convinced that it was the rats, which would be unusual as they have been known to sneak off with the odd biscuit.

Yesterday the thief was caught on camera, and I would never have suspected her at all, as she wanders around looking innocent, not the dog biscuit type of girl in my opinion. Lucy was the thief, and stole the biscuits without having to enter the pen. As she innocently wandered past she would look to see if anyone was watching, dip her head into the pen, retrieve her prize, before wandering off to enjoy the meaty treat.

Lucy did this on several occasions and had a morning feast before returning to the pond and the other ducks. My only question is should I be worried that the duck is eating meat flavoured dog biscuits, or only be concerned when she barks!

Tolerance

Having animals you soon learn that you need to improve your tolerance, and that they will often end up where they shouldn't be, which happens a huge amount in Casa Chaos. I often find chickens by the pond, ducks in the feed room, and dogs on the furniture. However, I do draw the line at the bloody goat in my kitchen.

Last week my son was watching TV, when the typical scream of "Mummmmeeeeeeeeeee" was heard, now what could possibly have happened as he was sat on the sofa. The next part of the sentence followed "Jack is in the kitchen" At this point I thought I misheard, but no apparantly the goat had decided that my kitchen was ideal for a nose around.

My son didn't move from his cartoons and cereal  and it was left for me to decide how to remove a very heavy, stubborn goat from the kitchen. Goat wrestling is not my thing, and I would rather opt for the water option, but jack stood in-between me and the tap. Mexican stand off time, I stood in the doorway, Jack in the centre of the kitchen gazing around at what he could eat.

As I do consider myself to have more intelligence than the goat, I backed away, not to run and hide but to go to the water source in the house...the bathroom. I returned with water in a cup and stared at Jack, at this point he knew he had crossed too many boundaries, and retreated back up the mountain. Call me old fashioned but a goat in the kitchen is simply a step too far.

Vandalism

I cannot believe I have been vandalised, well in fact my nice new shiny wheelbarrow has been and the worst thing is I invited the vandals into Casa Chaos.  My wheelbarrow has remained in excellent condition since purchasing it, and it was never intended to be used as a wheelbarrow. Which is why I was shocked to see the builders using my beautiful wheelbarrow...to mix cement in!

I could not believe it, my heart skipped a beat, and for a split second I was going to storm over and take my beloved wheelbarrow. However, I remembered that people think I am crazy on a daily basis, and this action could confirm all of their suspicions. I had to stand and watch as the wheelbarrow was abused, and vandalised, taking no action for their cruel behaviour.

Every so often I would pop over to where they were working, they thought to check on them, I was in fact checking on the wheelbarrow. I cannot believe that they did not realise that the wheelbarrow was never intended to actually be used for anything other than transporting soft materials such as straw.

Finally they finished, and although they washed all of the cement from her shell, she would never be the same again. The wheelbarrow had gone from a pristine item, to a used, and worn workhorse, with scratches, and small dents. Oh well, it was done now, and I would have to face the facts that my wheelbarrow would never be the same again!

Recycling becomes epic fail

I have always been a huge believer in recycling, and have instilled this value into my children. we recycle as much as we can, and I thought I was being clever when I decided to use the shredded paper in the chicken coop. It is amazing how much paper one household produces in a week  therefore,  shredding it and using it seemed logic.

I have researched a huge amount on the correct bedding for the chicken coop, to make it as inviting as possible for the chickens, as I want them to be happy, and lay eggs. Happy chickens happy eggs, or so they say! I thought that shredded paper would be ideal for the coop, as it is absorbent  warm, and most importantly free.

People warned me that the paper would be an epic fail, but as usual I knew best, and couldn't see why it would be any different to straw, how wrong can one person be! Someone mentioned that the paper would stick to the eggs, but I couldn't see how this would be an issue. Again how wrong could one person be!

When eggs are laid they have a wet solution covering them, which protects the interior of the egg, this mixed with shredded paper is the perfect recipe for paper mache! The instant the egg is laid, the paper sticks, transferring every letter onto the egg. This didn't really bother me as I thought the eggs looked unique with their letters and words covering the shell. However, the paper stuck hard to eggs, causing them to become heavier, and harder to crack, this was an issue.

Also paper is too light, it flies everywhere, and as the chickens begun to kick out the paper, the vast majority of paper ended up on the orchard floor. I spent more time picking up shredded paper than anything else. The chickens were left with no nesting, and refuse to lay on wood, which caused a decline in eggs, and defeated the whole point of using the paper.

The chickens managed to remove all of the paper, and it ended up attached to the bushes and trees, making them look like a set of fairies had decided to play the traditional Halloween prank and toilet paper the trees. I could imagine a bunch of 2 inch fairies running around having a party in the orchard with my shredded paper.

This was the final straw, as I spent all day placing new bedding in the boxes, cleaning the orchard, and shouting and swearing at everything I could. My eggs were like lumps of cement, and resembled the kids school project when they had to cover the balloon with paper mache. I have noted this down as an epic fail, and we will not be repeating the process again!

Flying chickens

I have said it once and I will say it again chickens are stupid, not just a little stupid but incredibly stupid. Spring has sprung which means that the chickens all want to sit on eggs, and have their own batch of chicks. After spending most of last year attempting to deter this fact, this year I have held my hands up and said whatever!

So, I have quite a few chickens in various places on eggs, some we know about and others have just vanished, which means they are likely to appear at some point. Now, Mama Bantom is the leader of the chickens, the almighty wise one, who apparently sees and knows everything. I was told this by a wise woman in the village!

Yet, why does she insist on laying eggs 7ft up on a roof, this is truly stupid, as when the chicks hatch they have to perform a leap of death into the maternity wing. Now granted they fall into the maternity wing, which does save me a job of rounding them up, but even so, come on these chicks cannot fly. All that happens is they fall, now some survive, and others don't.

The ratio this time was quite good, she hatched four chicks, three are running around and one was like a skydiver whose parachute didn't open. Some would say the ratio was good, but I cannot work out what goes through the chickens mind to think, hey I know what I will lay my eggs up here and then get my chicks to leap to the floor, whilst I glide down using my wings.

Anyway we have three more chicks to add to the already expanding maternity wing, which is good, more chickens more eggs, but as we know Casa Chaos produces more roosters than any other farm in the land. Lets wait and see what this batch brings, and wait for all the others to hatch.