Rooster Herding

I think that for the next Olympics they should have Rooster herding, which will defiantly determine who is fit, and who is not! I fall into the later category  and openly admit that chasing roosters around the orchard nearly killed me. Roosters are far smarter than chickens, maybe it is because they have nothing to do all day but eat, molest chickens and eat.

I was asked to donate a rooster to a lady in the food project, and I was happy to help as I have been searching for somewhere to deposit the mass amount of surplus roosters I have. The lady came and collected the rooster that we had managed to catch, and I asked if she would like any more. She said that she would happily take as many as we could spare, to either eat or sell.

I knew catching the roosters was out of the question as they are fast, but I thought we could herd them into an empty pen. So, that is what we did by letting everything out of the orchard the roosters followed, and it was only a question of herding the roosters to where I wanted them. This worked for the first few, then the others got wise to this plan.

Plan B, we had to put everything back and try to chase the roosters out of the orchard, this took far more effort, including me, two children a rake and two brooms. Do not criticise the expert rooster chasing equipment as it works perfectly. After much swearing, chasing, throwing of brooms, we had roosters in the pen. This felt good, as they had been a headache for so long, and we needed them gone, as I was feeding them for nothing.

We gave away 6 roosters which sounds a lot, unfortunately  we still have far too many, and operation rooster will need to commence again soon. I want to get the roosters down to a manageable amount, and we seem to always have more roosters than hens in every batch of chicks.

The hatching has begun

Lucy has caused great stress over the last few weeks, as she has been a very nervous expectant Mum, which has in turn made us nervous. There have been problems with the other ducks, the dogs, people, and generally everything causing Lucy to leave her eggs and have to be encouraged to get back on them. We discovered that our predicted dates were wrong, and that she was going to be sat for far longer than expected.

As with everything here in casa chaos it is a steep learning curve, and we seem to be getting this one so wrong. I am a great believer in nature doing what nature does best, however, I can be so cruel sometimes. Lucy managed to hatch one duckling this morning, but it died, and in typical animal fashion, she simply discarded it and carried on with what she was doing.

I have Googled and apparently the others should begin to hatch any day soon, which I am no longer excited about, more anxious, pacing up and down and worrying. I suppose it is more obvious because she is in front of us, and we can see it all happening. Often the chickens will go off and return with chicks, therefore, removing the element of worry, what you don't know you don't worry about!

On the note of chicks, Omelette, returned yesterday...eleven chicks following behind up the drive, and hopped into the box and was escorted to the maternity wing. This then encouraged the feral chicken to want to return to the luxury and peace of the  maternity wing, so we now have the sounds of chirping once again.

Lets hope Lucy can successfully hatch the remaining ducklings, and I can move on to worrying about something else!

Escapee's

I am getting to the point now where if nothing wants to stay put then I refuse to spend half my day running around after it. Jack and Jill pushed me over the edge yesterday as they escaped again, went straight up the 200ft mountain and refused to come back down. I know that goats are very homely creatures and typically will return, but there is always that doubt that they might not.

So, we stood at the bottom of the mountain calling, shaking a bucket and generally looking idiots, the goats were no where to be seen, and I was becoming more pissed off as I had better things to do than stand waiting for a goat. I gave up, and stomped off, an hour later Jack appeared on my terrace looking for corn, and wanting to get let back into the orchard.

It was just one of those days, as the feral chicken and her five chicks, yes the others died, decided that she didn't want to be in the maternity wing, and some how got out! OK, this chicken really was an escape artist, as she gets through fences. We have no idea how, but she was there wandering around the orchard, ignoring us and eating food.

I know my fence building skills are frankly crap, but these animals have everything they need inside, so why do they persist in escaping! Lets hope today everything remains where it should be, and we have a day where I am not chasing animals!

Something so simple

Why does everything in life have to be a battle, including getting something so simple as wormer's for the chickens. Im no expect but I suspect that the chickens have worms, and I know many other chicken keepers that worm their chickens. Therefore, I thought I would be responsible and do the same, healthy happy chickens happy eggs!

So, I considered where to get the wormer's from and thought that the logical place would be the vet, however, there is nothing logical about our vet. Our vet is lovely, but lacking in any knowledge for any animal larger than a dog. Therefore, when he sees me approaching his heart sinks, as he has no idea what I am going to ask for next.

Apparently they do not have chicken wormer's, but could order me some, there you go problem solved....wait never that simple. I could have paste, or tablet form. I expressed to the vet, did he not know how many chickens I had, and how long worming 60+ chickens would take!! I asked if he had the wormer's that go into water or feed, but no, why would they this is Spain of course.

There was then a long debate on the worms, how long were they, had I actually seen them, and why was I bothering to worm the chickens. What type of chickens they were, errr feathered laying egg variety! and how old. At this point I was bored, but then he said he had found something... wormer's for cows! I pointed out I don't have cows, I have chickens, slightly different farm animal!

After a very long conversation, and no success I felt disheartened as I could not believe that no one in Spain wormed their chickens. So, I thought I would call the feed store lady, she is sooo wise! and bingo, she said you simply pop along to the farmacia, and ask for the worming solution..why didn't I just ring her in the first place.

Just another day in chaos

I had high hopes for yesterday, but alas they were soon gone as I realised that it was just another day in chaos. I do wonder why my animals are weird, and cannot do anything they should. As I went down to "quickly" feed everything and do water duties, I realised that it may have been Christmas day, but it was far from normal.

The chick that had been rescued had died, there was a dead chicken in the orchard and Jack and Jill were half way to the next village. At this point my heart sank, and I knew my quick visit was going to be longer than expected. After tracking down the goats and returning them to their pen, I realised that AL needed to be returned to the feed shed, as chickens and bathrooms do not mix.

I have no idea how people can keep chickens/roosters in their houses as they stink, sorry if I offend anyone, but all animals should be in the appropriate housing facility, and my daughters bathroom was not it at all.

Therefore, today's project is to build a hospital wing, next to the maternity wing! Grand ideas in my head, however, in reality  it is very likely to be some pallets thrown together with a chicken wire roof, voile a hospital wing! No I have not lost the plot, but we often get sick chickens, which end up in bathrooms, which is not good, so why not build my own sick bay, I wont say it will help me save any of the ill chickens, but it will remove them from my house.

They don't care its Christmas!

When you have animals they don't care what day or date it is, that everyone around the world is enjoying time sat indoors, eating, drinking and having fun! It may be Christmas Day, however, everything still needs feeding, cleaning, watering, and generally taking care of. I'm just hoping that for one day everything can behave and stay where it is supposed to be.

My daughters flat has turned into a medical station, as AL our big cock has hurt his foot, so he has had to be removed, and we have no where to put him as Jessica has to be locked in the feed room, a she/he is smashing Lucys eggs. On top of the AL problem, she also has a chick, which needed to be removed, so that is also upstairs. Just another day in Casa Chaos...but would we have it any other way, god YES!

I do wonder if everyone with animals have the same dramas and issues as us, or whether all problems head straight for casa chaos with glee. So, I am off to check everything has food, is where it is supposed to be, and then maybe we can have a semi normal day. A normal day would be too much to ask for, but a semi normal one may just be possible!

Have a great Christmas guys and see you manana, after the presents, eating, drinking, and attempting to be a normal family for the day :)

She has invited the family

Remember the chicken from next door who turned up with her two chicks, well we had let them roam loose in the orchard, as she was a very protective mum. I was ok, with this and she seemed capable of keeping an eye on her offspring, maybe next door breeds far more intelligent chickens than me! hmmmm anyway, she had two chicks, which is a small number but I thought no more of it until yesterday.

Our new addition suddenly appeared with six more chicks! they are smaller than her first two, so she either phoned a friend and told them to throw their chicks over the fence as there was free food and loggings here, or she hatched the rest of her brood. Either way two became eight, and now her family seems to be expanding.

I am a little concerned that if she continues, by the end of next week she would have moved the whole orchard into ours! oh well lets hope she stays and that she doesn't fly back once they are all grown. On a bonus we did manage to get her and her ever expanding family into the maternity wing, which she doesn't appear to like, but it allows us to keep an eye on them all easily.

"P" Day has arrived

Well the day had come, and there was much anticipation around Casa Chaos, actually that is not strictly true, I was excited, no one else really cared! It was parsnip harvesting day, where I would be rewarded with fresh, tasty parsnips, ready to eat and sell. I had fraggles asking for them, which is good, however,  I had made a point of saying I might not be able to supply, as I had no idea what they would turn out like, and thank god I had been prepared.

I am no gardener, and over the years have managed to kill more plants, and trees than any other human being. So, I was nervous about the parsnip growing, however, the Spanish vegetable god that I know had assured me that you just throw the seeds in the ground, water, and leave alone. I presumed that a few months later voile, I would have parsnips.

So, off I skipped to the parsnip patch where there was a full patch of greens, this was a good sign, it meant that something was under the ground. I gently begun to pull at the greens, and was surprised how easily they cam out of the ground. The first few were really small, in fact tiny and didn't really look like the plump, juicy parsnips that I had imagined.

I considered that it may be because I had selected from the edge, I have no idea why that would make a difference, but it seemed logical to me. So, I delved into the middle, and pulled, but another very tiny parsnip appeared, and this one looked like those alien fruits and veg, which you see on worlds weirdest items.

I appear to have the smallest crop of parsnips known to man, and was frantically wondering if every single one was the same. Now I knew that I couldn't pop them back in the ground, and pray they would get bigger, So, I called the Spanish veg god. He came round to examine my inferior crop, and knew exactly what was wrong...they needed longer! In typical Spanish tradition...manana...manana...manana.

He said that they had not grown enough, and I had to wait! Did he not understand that it was Christmas Day on Tuesday  there was no waiting time! People were depending on my growing abilities to serve their fresh parsnips on Tuesday.

There is no miracle, no quick fix and no way that I am serving parsnips on Tuesday  I feel that my whole Christmas has been destroyed by one slow growing root vegetable. Maybe they will be ready for Kings on the 6th January, or maybe even Easter, who knows! I have to simply wait!

I have been shopping

I have never enjoyed shopping and hate queues of any sort, therefore, I tend to know what I want, buy it and pray that it is the right one. At one time my shopping experiences would involve shoes, clothes and sparkly jewellery, but now I find myself in the feed store gazing at feed bins and buckets. Money is tight here in Casa Chaos, therefore, we have to make do with what we have, which can be hard when everything keeps breaking.

However, I spotted something a few weeks ago, I knew I had to have it, and even did the pouty lip to hubby, and pleaded to have it, but alas there was simply not enough left in the pot for treats. So I put this shiny item to the back of my mind, and dreamed of the day when I would be able to afford one. You may all be wondering what extravagant item I am talking about, and it is of course a new wheelbarrow!

Now to many of you this may not seem like a big deal, however, here a wheelbarrow would be a luxury, which would make our lives easier. Something so simple, yet so far out of my grasp, but I didn't give up, like a child collecting their pennies for the sweet shop, I saved and saved. Finally I had enough, and with anticipation and excitement I went to the feed store, and purchased my very own yellow wheelbarrow.

It was one of those moments when you had to be there to appreciate the excitement, thankfully my son shared my excitement as he proudly stared at the new item in the drive. Unfortunately  he now wants to use the wheelbarrow, which is causing me anxiety. What if he gets him (yes its a him) dirty, or breaks him, or dents him!

I allowed my son to briefly use the wheelbarrow yesterday, under supervision, and with rules. It was a successful outing, and both enjoyed collecting the branches which had been building up in the orchard. I am hoping to allow the wheelbarrow to be used without supervision soon, but as any new mum will know this takes time! For now I can admire him, and think of a suitable name...

Not my chicken

I have enough to contend with my own chickens, and although I have adopted Lucky who we found in the reservoir, I was shocked to discover next doors chickens are moving in. As I was leaving Casa Chaos the other day, in a rush as usual I could hear chirping. The distinctive chirp of chicks, which brings that sinking feeling of oh no I really haven't got time for this.

So, off I wandered with hubby pulling the face of get in the car, move away from the chickens..no too late, I'm in the orchard staring at Two chicks. Now the problem is two chicks and 60+ chickens the question is who the hell is the mother.  well we can rule out the batteries, so I grabbed a chick and decided to use it as bait.

I wandered off with the chick waiting for a mum to wander over to claim her chick, and to my surprise a very vicious mother flew at me in a masterful "give my chick back or die" type maneuver. I dropped the chick as any sane person would do and then realised that the chicken wasn't even mine! By this time the children had joined me with lots of "oooooo chicks" followed with "that's not our chicken"

OK, so we had established that we had acquired a chicken and her babies, which amused me as to why she had broken into Casa Chaos, when my chickens spend all their time attempting to break out of the POW. Maybe the benefits, housing, and living conditions were better than next door, but I have no idea how she got her and the chicks in.

The next problem was that not being our chicken she hadn't been briefed on the rules, and was not aware that she had to go in the maternity wing. Every time someone went near her she would come at you claws showing in an incredibly protective manner, which is good. I was now so late as normal, I decided to walk away and leave her.

The mum and chicks are still running around the orchard, I'm not sure if she is only using us for food, and will return home when they are grown up, or whether she has moved in on a permanent basis. Maybe I should sent the guy next door a bill for food and lodgings for his chicken!

Far too gross

Every time I think my life cannot get any weirder something else happens that throws me into a turmoil of what the hell do I do! Yesterday was quite a normal day, chickens getting out, and goats getting out, very normal. As we were getting some of the feral chickens back in, there was one Honeybun that was moving really slowly, which is unusual for her. This chicken could give Usain Bolt a run for his money any day.

Therefore, we knew something was wrong, we just never expected what we found...as my daughter lifted her; she was literally being eaten alive by maggots. We were shocked, and stood there for a few moments thinking what the hell we could do. She didn't fuss  or flap and was in extreme discomfort, and at this point I knew we had to try and help her, I just didn't know how! 

There was an open wound, and she had obviously been attacked by something, which had caused the injury. Unfortunately, the flies had taken their opportunity to arrive, and laid eggs. This had caused a huge problem, which I had to deal with. As I ran around screaming for towels, buckets, gloves, I actually had no idea what to do.

I googled frantically, and the only thing I found was to flush the wound, pick the maggots out one by one and pray! This was going to be a long night, there was no quick method, and the smell was awful, but slowly and gently we removed the disgusting creatures, washed the wound, and begun the process over and over. 

We were there for hours, and all the time the chicken laid incredibly still, and seemed to accept that we were attempting to help. Finally I felt that no more could be done, and we washed the wound, applied Betadine, and popped her into a box. This morning she is still with us, and eating which is fantastic, we will have a look in a minute, after my coffee, to see if there are more maggots lurking, I feel this week is going to be long!

And still she sits

Lucy is still on her eggs, which seems to be forever, so off I Googled, and it seems that new mums can sit on their eggs for up to 50 days!! We are so protective of these eggs, and are ensuring that they are well protected, especially after Jessica's, little hissy fit the other night. The ducks have always shared a house, and the extension was to provide them with some more room, howver, Jessica is boisterous, and gets very rough.

We unfortunatly came down the other morning to find Jessicas smashing the eggs, and happily eating the contents, I was mortified, and quickly stopped her. The two that she had smashed were fertilised, and their were ducklings forming which was upsetting, but like everything we moved on, and thought of a plan B.

Plan B was to move Lucy and the eggs into the extension away from the mad duck, and to safety, however, this wasn't successful, and Lucy wanted her eggs where she had laid them and no where else. I was cared that she would abandon the eggs if we interfered too much, so I out them back..onto plan C, we had to separate Jessica.

The plan was to put Jessica in the extension every night block her in so that she could not get through to the other ducks, the first night this took ages, as ducks are creatures of habit and hate change, hmmm maybe I am a duck! However, it seems that Jessica has now excepted that this is her fate as she cannot play nicley with others hmm again sounds like me!

So Lucy sits, and we wait, and wait, and wait.....

Kindred spirits

There are very few people that understand me, that know when I am joking and when I am being serious, and want to get to know the crazy lady! However, recently I seem to be attracting the same sort of crazies into my world! I have always pondered whether there is other crazy people like me, and it appears there are, which is strange but comforting all rolled into one!

One guy who I have met through FB, yes I know we shouldn't talk to strangers, however, he is very funny! He has a phrase that he uses all of the time, which makes me chuckle, and I had to research what it meant. This guy will often refer to me as "Mad as a box of frogs" which I had never heard of before, took no offence by, and whenever I hear it it makes me smile...but what does it mean?

On further research it appears that this phrase means I am " A total f**king fruitloop" which should offend, but actually he is sooo right! I had never heard of the expression until he said it, and it is now one of my favourites....so thank you "GC" you bring a smile to a crazy ladies face! 

Cold chickens

It is really cold here, now I know it is not as cold as many places around the world, but for GC it is cold. and everything knows it here in Casa Chaos. The other morning when I did the school run it was 8c, which was so exciting for my son he kept going OMG take a picture. I have lived in GC for a while now and have never seen it so cold, but apparently that's what I get for living in the culo del mundo. I don't like the cold, and my mood rapidly deteriorates when I am cold, however, I have discovered that the chickens like it even less.

I now fully understand why people put those little woolly jumpers on their chickens  remember the ones I mocked in a previous blog! Well I now need some, how I will put them on the chickens who knows, but they are cold! You see them all huddles up in a corner with their heads tucked in under their feathers. Actually they look like a bunch of headless chickens which looks strange, but funny! During the day it warms up and they are all out and about, but for the first few hours of the day they are really cold.

I'm just pondering how long it would take me to A) knit 70+ little jumpers as I hate knitting and have never completed a whole project and B) how long it would take me to catch all the chickens to put their new jumpers on! and then there is the question of do the jumpers stay on all the time, or when they get warm during the day do I go down there to remove the jumpers!

In the end I have decided that all of this would be far too stressful, time consuming, and could finally push me over the edge into the pool of complete insanity! Therefore, extra straw was placed in nesting areas as this was far easier and did not require me to knit!

Stop bringing me animals

Why does everyone think that I am an animal whisperer? I do not have the answers, money or eternal knowledge to save everything on the planet! However, people keep suggesting me for animals, or bringing me animals to deal with. Yesterday was my daughter that appeared with yet another creature to add to the collection.

I can here my daughter approaching as only teenagers can manage with heavy footsteps, and loud music, however, yesterday there was another noise. In-between the terrible choice of music, I could hear chirping, very young chirping! As she approached the office I shouted " do not bring that in here" with her reply of "you don't know what it is" like that would make a difference!

Round the corner she emerged with a chick, a very small chick and proudly begun the story of how she heard the chick, found the chick, looked for others and there was only one, and now the chick was sat on my printer. In Casa Chaos this does not seem unusual, however, I'm sure it should be odd to have a chick sat on the printer.

So, at this point I enquire what she intends to do with the chick, and she proudly declares keep it, and look after it and be mummy to the chick! Now my son tried this before, and it is far harder than you imagine as chicks need their feathered mum's but who am I to tell her no. Too be honest as long as it wasn't something else I had to look after I didn't care!

Off went my daughter, the chick, some food and a cat carrier, as she passed her brother, he flippantly commented with "its going to die!" Always the realist is my son, he has seen the chicks  come and go, and he has begun to realise that some die and some live. We will see what happens with this one, you never know she might make an excellent chicken mum....she can't look after herself properly, but hey the chick may be lucky!

Crazy Cat Lady

I am ashamed to say that I am fast becoming that lady that everyone dreads seeing, the one with all the animals, and no clean clothes. I don't smell thank god, and I don't randomly throw cats at people like the lady off the Simpsons, however, I do seem to attract animals. The moment I lay on the sofa, they are all there.

It takes a matter of moment for them to realise that I have settled for two minutes, and with that they descend. Every cat has its favourite place, and typically by the time I have all four and Charlie, I can no longer move a part of my body. Thank god I only have the four cats, and I wonder if these woman that have huge numbers get pinned to their sofas for days on end by their cats.

I love all of my animals but do where to draw the line and say NO! I have to practise at least 20 times a day in the mirror...NO...NO..NO! (until the next time) Seriously though I can see how it is far too easy to become a crazy cat lady, as there are far too many that need helping. So for the moment I will continue to keep moving so that the little bodies cannot settle, and enjoy the status of being the crazy cat lady...or is that just the crazy lady!

Christmas Decorations

Christmas is fast approaching which means that my children relentlessly ask for the tree to be put up until I give in and spend hours faffing with the decorations. In all fairness this nagging has nothing to do with the Christmas feeling, it is because I put the presents under the tree as soon as it goes up. This will then cause the "you have more than me" argument, followed with the continuous shaking to see what the present is, until it can be shaken no more.

In all fairness I do like the tree when it goes up, however  within a very short space of time, typically a week I am bored of it and want it back down! I join the children in the countdown to Christmas, not for the presents, but for when I can remove the tree! Unfortunately  we have two Christmases here, which results in the tree needing to stay up even longer.

Someone asked me the other day if I was decorating the chicken coop and orchard, and I stopped for  a moment, not to consider this insane thought, but to think they were really stupid for asking. Why on earth would I want to give the chickens anything else to poop on and eat!

However, it seems that many people do in fact take the time to decorate their chicken coops, and provide their feathered friends with some Christmas cheer! I seriously do worry about people on this planet. Anyway, I suppose if they have the time, energy and money to put decorations up for their chickens then good for them. Who am I trying to kid, they are insane! and need to attend therapy!

Billy is home

Blogging that Billy is home is not something that I thought I would be writing, as although I am optimistic about animals returning, as the time went on longer my hopes were fading. I knew Billy couldn't fly far, therefore, he must have wandered off somewhere. We had searched up and down the barranco, in the road and around the finca. As he could not get into the orchards the area within the finca was limited, but we searched.

Everything I Googled indicated that he would come back within 24 hours, and after that time period it was unlikely. My biggest fear was that Billy had ended up on some Spanish guys dinner plate, however, after 7 days of being missing we have Billy back. The ironic thing is that he had never gone very far, and proved that his nosiness will be the death of him.

Billy loves two things in life, his pond and being nosey, if there is a bag open Billy is there having a look to see what is going on.  After we had fed everything yesterday, we were walking back up to the house watching Tazzy (the kitten) playing with feathers. Now feathers here are not unusual, but she seemed to have a large amount of them, which was odd.

Tazzy has no fear, and is often found wrestling animals that are far bigger than her, and proudly dropping them at my feet. She is also in places that she shouldn't be, and yesterday was no different, as she was in the pipes for the water tanks. We have a large storage tank to collect water, and from this there are several concrete pipes, they are quite large, and often Tazzy plays in them.

As we watched her, she kept running into the pipe, and returning backwards with a mouthful of white feathers. After a while she obviously had hold of her prize as she struggled, and pulled and growled and pulled. To our complete amazement out popped Tazzy dragging Billy by his tail feathers, looking very sorry for himself, extremely dirty, and missing many feathers.

Billy had obviously got nosey, waddled into the pipe and got stuck, if Tazzy hadn't found him we would never have known he was there. I'm not sure if Tazzy saved Billy, or whether she was claiming her prize of dinner, but either way she is a clever kitty. Billy looked ill, very pale, and wobbly on his feet, however, off he waddled and went straight in his pond! Hopefully he has learnt by his mistake, and will not stick his head where it is not supposed to be in the future.

Egg hoarding

I would love to say that I hoard eggs to spite all of the people that keep asking me for eggs, however, this is not the case. The chickens are there to provide me with eggs, and an income, but at the moment they are doing very little of either. People message me all the time asking for eggs, and I would love to take your money and provide you with eggs, however, if there are no eggs this simply isn't going to happen.

Eggs have become like gold dust and what little amounts they are laying I use within minutes, I even found myself loitering around the egg aisle in the supermarket the other day, trying to bring myself to buy...supermarket eggs! It felt shameful, like I was committing a crime. I stood and starred at the small, shrink wrapped packages, and simply could not bring myself to pick up a box.

I do ponder about the people on this island sometimes, as when I tell them I have no eggs they think I am mad, lying or being spiteful. The consider the fact that I have chickens to be the ticket to eggs, which in theory should be true, but alas, no eggs! I wish I was a better chicken farmer, and could have all the answers, maybe it is because it is cold, maybe it is because they hate me who knows, but either way they are not producing enough eggs!

Lets hope the dry spell does not last and that they begin to lay soon, so I can walk down the street without the fraggles muttering " there she is the secret egg hoarder" I promise you guys when I have eggs, you will have eggs, it is as simple as that, and until then you will have to go and be shameful and buy supermarket eggs!

No Power....

Living in an old house our power goes off quite often, which is usually the result of overloading the plugs, having far too many electrical pieces of equipment, and not realising that you cannot put the microwave, kettle, oven and hob on all at the same time. However, last night when we were plummeted into darkness, it was through no fault of my own.

The whole area went out, which is spooky, and as you will remember I so not like the dark. Thankfully I know where the torch and candles are. Something to light the candles took slightly longer, more stress, some shouting, but eventually candles were lit. Now comes the debate, what to do when its dark! well I cleaned the kitchen and folded the washing by torch light. However, I was aware that if I kept the torch on it may go flat.

OK, what to do, cannot read, cannot watch TV, cannot message anyone as the signal on my phone went as well, oh the joys of living in the culo del mundo. I was relatively calm until I realised I had no phone signal, then the imagination begun to work harder. What if the house burns down, we get broken into or one of us has an accident, I have no way of getting help. In my defence I think if I stood on the terrace and screamed someone would hear me as it was so quiet.

So, back to the debate of what to do....well sleep looks like my only option, what a shame I will have to get some extra sleep. Off I go to the sofa and I lay there, and lay there, and for the first time in history I cannot sleep. This is not good, time is passing, still no electricity, still no lights, panic setting in, what if I cannot sleep as I am concerned that every little noise will kill us.

Eventually the power came back on, after what seemed like an eternity, when in reality it was only 27 minutes and 52 seconds, not that I was counting. Back to normality, where the dark can stay outside, and the house can be lit up, keeping us safe!

Death, illness and bad luck

Winter is setting in here in Casa Chaos, and I have a cold, which is not good at all as I have very little energy at the best of times, and a cold is making everything a chore. I hate being ill, especially when I am so busy on a day to day basis, and at the moment I am really busy. Along with me being ill, everything seems to be going wrong, which makes it all such hard work.

We have lost 4 chickens this week, ranging from new ones coming out of the maternity wing, to fully grown batteries. Anything dying is hard, but when they go in quick succession it makes it more difficult, and typically I don't have the answers, or even the energy to Google the answers. It is cold here at the moment, and before you all jump on the its not that cold bandwagon, it is cold for GC.

Billy has still not returned which is also getting me down, as I hate not knowing where an animal is, and if they will return. I hope that he will waddle up the drive, but too be honest I cannot see this happening any time soon. Lets hope we get through the winter with no more causalities, and that I can shift this cold quickly!

Billy is missing....

Of all the animals to wander off, I never expected it to be Billy, however, yesterday morning he vanished into thin air. Billy was there when my daughter went to school, swimming around the pond as he always does in the morning, but by the time I returned from the school run at 9am he was gone.

Jessica/Justin is still here which is strange as Billy is never far behind, but he is no where to be found. I looked everywhere, in his favourite hiding places, up and down the barranco, in the reservoir  but no Billy. he hasn't been eaten, well unless the predator ate him whole, leaving no trace.  It is upsetting when an animal wanders off, especially when you have no idea why.

Billy never came back last night, which according to Google is not a good sign, as he should have returned when he got hungry, but no Billy! I am worried about him now, a she would have been out all night, which has never happened. I hope he returns soon, as I think if I put up duck missing posters in the local shop, the Spanish will think that I have finally lost the plot.

Lets hope he waddles home later, or operation duck search will need to be extended further today! how far can a duck waddle? Come home Billy!!!!

Searching in the dark

I live in the culo del mundo, which is dark, really dark, darker than dark, no light pollution what so ever, therefore its dark! Are you getting the picture now that its dark, which in my world equates to scary, as I am not so good in the dark. In fact I am the worlds worst for having an active imagination, and believing that every noise and movement is an axe murderer coming to kill me.

So, typically as nightfall approaches and casa chaos descends into darkness, everything is put to bed, and I remain in the house under a duvet! I don't like going out in the dark, and avoid this at all costs, however  last night I found myself in the dark, searching for a chicken! This was not by choice, and more by a stressed husband declaring that "something attacked a chicken"

Something is a horrible word to use, as it could mean anything, and the likely hood that the something was still down there was big, and scary! My husband works long hours, and comes in through the night, so when he woke me, I was scared to look at the clock. He knows never to wake me, as the one thing I love more than coffee, is sleep.

He braved this fact and woke me and told me to come with him, I felt like being a small child, and whining "Do I have tooooooo" but no I acted my age threw on some jogging bottoms, found some flip flops, and followed. The only problem was I was now behind him and he had the torch! which is the magical item that protects me. I am not sure what I would do if something jumped out at me, possible throw the torch at it and run!

Anyway, off to the orchard we trudged, hubby with the torch, and me with, well nothing! We checked everywhere, looked for this chicken that he claimed had made a horrible, dying, I'm being attacked noise.  We found...nothing, just a bunch of chickens trying to sleep, two goats that thought we were insane, and although I never thought I would agree with a goat, yes we were.

At this point he declared that it might not have been a chicken after all....WTF did you get me out of bed for to trudge through a dark orchard then!! Men, sometimes I could seriously kill them, and off I stomped back to bed, still with no torch, and convinced that I was being followed by the axe murderer!!

Outfit change

When my children were little I was aware that I used to have to check my top for baby puke before leaving the house. Every mother knows that babies have an ability of dribbling down your back in a spot that you cannot see. Therefore, you learn to check your top before leaving, and often changing into something else.

Now my children have grown up, I thought I was saved from this daily ritual, but no with animals I have to check every part of me. I will often be out and someone will point out that I have something on my shoes, jeans, jumper or in my hair. This unidentified substance can be anything including, flour, animal feed, straw and poop!

Thankfully I do try and avoid going out with poop on me, but hey who knows living where I do! In fact the other other I did question a strange brown substance that was on my jeans. Some woman pointed at me and told me that I had something on my leg, I wasn't in the mood for stupid comments, so answered with a flippant "yeah, probably poop" her face had this distorted look of disgust.

So I stuck my finger in it, licked my finger, waited long enough for her to look truly disgusted, and commented "oh, no chocolate" This did brighten my day, however, I did make a mental note to check everywhere before leaving Casa Chaos, to ensure that I am clean, presentable, and ready for the outside world.

Escaping Jill

Jill is testing my patience at the moment, and has decided that the best game in the world is to escape, thankfully Jack is far better behaved and remains where he is in the orchard. We are not sure if Jill is escaping for food, because she can or to escape jacks advances, which appear to be morning, noon and night.

The story begins as it always does, with a small hole...from the small hole came a goat sized hole, which Jill is taking advantage of. Every time we block the hole, she makes another, and another, which she thinks is a fantastic game. We will put her back in the orchard, and around she runs, and back through another hole.

We have gone from listening to the screams of "the pigs out" to "the goats out" which is boring now. Thankfully jill doesn't go far, however, she does head straight for the orange trees, herbs and chillis, and as I battle to keep these alive at the best of times, she can really stay away!

Usually the goats are fun, and very little hassle, however, at the moment Jill is pushing her luck, and I have now got to convince my husband that he wants to spend a whole day blocking every hole, regardless of how small in the orchard....I will add it to the "to do" list, which seems to be ever growing!

Operation parsnip update.....

As some of you will know that have the read the blog from the start...and shame on you if you havn't!!! I am growing parsnips. Now this is an amazing achievement as I kill everything, but needless to say I approached this task with confidence, and Google close to hand. I love parsnips, and would eat them all the time, so the desire to grow them was selfish, but also profitable I felt.

The fraggles have needs, and if I can fulfil these for money then I will try..Parsnips are one of those vegetables that you either love or hate. Many fraggles love them, and last year I watched as countless people drove around the island in search of the mysterious parsnip. Therefore I decided that I would grow them, meet the demand and help to pay the bills in Casa Chaos.

One problem with my plan, I am not patient, and parsnips take forever to grow!!! and of course they are underground so how do I know they are growing at all!!! gardening is stressful, I have no idea how Alan Titchmarsh remains so calm.

I Googled how do you tell when Parsnips are ready, and one site said to gently tug at the parsnip, which I did....and it appeared out of the ground, ooops too much tugging, oh well I now have  a parsnip in my hand, and in all fairness it looks good, it actually looks like a parsnip....do I sound shocked hell yeah!

So, operation parsnip appears to be going well, and hopefully I will get orders for them, or we will be eating parsnips on Christmas day, boxing day and every day after that....

Forever homes needed

I do a lot of work with TARA  who are the animal charity on the island as they attempt to change peoples attitudes towards animals. This incredible organisation have no funding, and rely entirely on donations, and volunteers. We have some of their dogs here, on a foster basis, some before they fly off to their forever homes and others, whilst they are stills searching for their perfect forever home.

We have fostered quite a few, they come they go, and not many touch my heart, however, we have one at the moment, Barney! Now Barney is an old man, who was dumped, which is not unusual for here, I will never understand people, but it happens all the time. When I got the call to go and collect Barney, I was warned that he was a state, and oh boy was he ever!

It was obvious that Barney had not seen a bath or brush in many years, and the poor old soul could hardly see for the hair beneath his eyes. However, once clipped, he had kind eyes, and very big ears. Barney is sweet, and loves everything, and I am hoping that he finds his forever home very soon! For people that read the blog here in GC, please don't buy puppies, adopt, and if you can take a moment to consider whether you could give Barney a forever home :)

Barney when he was found..

New Gates

I decided yesterday that I have reached a new level of sad, as I was so excited when my new gates were finished. Everything in Casa Chaos has to be done on a budget, and even then the budget is tiny, therefore, it is incredible that anything gets done to be honest. However, we had coped for long enough attempting to keep jack and jill in one orchard with bits of wood and old fence.

The guys that came to do the gates were brilliant, they knew that we had a tiny budget, and attempted to keep the costs down. We recycled so much stuff that was just laying around, and thankfully they were up for seeing what they could make from old bits of metal. If you find someone that has the same mentality as you, it is always better, for both the environment and your pocket.

I had forgotten how much tea workmen drink but after 2 days, numerous cups of tea, several mandarins, which they claim just fell into their hands, I have new shiny gates. Now these gates may not be winning any innovation awards, however, they are new, open and close and lock. We have real bolts and hinges, which is amazing.

I found myself staring at the gates in awe, and slowly opening and closing them to see how well they work, and at this point I considered that maybe I had gone insane. Oh how my life has changed as at one time I would never have spent so long gazing at some metal. I slowly stepped away from the gates, walking backwards so I could continue to see them every step, and sneaking a last peek, before returning up stairs.

Expectant mother

I wasn't nervous when I was carrying my own children, however, I find myself panicking about Lucy and her eggs every day. We usually leave the chickens to it, until they hatch and then perform a rescue and dump them in the maternity wing, some live, some due, thankfully more are surviving. But Lucy and her eggs are special, they will be our first set of ducklings, which is exciting.

This thought is causing worry though, as I am constantly checking that her and her eggs are OK  still warm, getting fed (obviously Lucy not the eggs) however,in all fairness we don't even know if these eggs are fertile, so it could all be for nothing! But we hope that they are and that in time we will have little bundles of fluff.

For once I am Googling before the day and not after we have the ducks and are staring at  them not knowing what to do. I am hoping that with all my expert knowledge things will go smoother, and that we will be prepared. Of course I am hoping that Lucy is a good mother and that a huge amount of the mothering responsibility will be dealt with by her.

So, the countdown begins, and Lucy is settled on her eggs, which I would like to confirm that we did not  need to kill any chickens in this process. I think they simply got bored of being thrown out of the duck house 20 times a day. We think we have about another 20 days to go with Lucy and her eggs, so Christmas ducklings which is brilliant!

Eggs....

You must have so many eggs, is a statement that people say to me all of the time, but in reality my egg numbers increase and decrease on a daily basis. Like many I believed that you simply give a chicken a box and it will lay, however, this in reality is very different. Chickens are so temperamental, and anything can stop them laying. This includes:

• Too hot
• Too cold
• Stress
• Different bedding
• Different food
• Not enough food
• Too much food
• Illness
• New chickens
• Noise
• Predators
• Broody
• Molting
• Eat eating....the list just goes on and on, and to be honest I'm amazed that we get a single egg as most of these things happen daily here in casa chaos

I was reading tips on how to increase egg production and one lady claims that if you place curtains on your nesting boxes, the chickens will lay more. Now I'm not sure if this is insane or pure genius! the theory is that the curtains make the box cosy, warm and out of view. However, surely the reality is that the curtains simply produce more things to wash/clean and maintain.

When you Google curtains for chickens there are 140,000 hits, therefore, this is a popular subject it seems. Now there is a huge part of me that considers this to be a stupid idea, but a very small part that so wants curtains on my nesting boxes. So, do I spend hours sewing pretty curtains to attach to the nesting boxes hmmmmmm well I will add it to the to do list and see how far I get with everything else!

It didn't all fall apart....

I took the day off yesterday, from everything work, casa chaos and the blog...sorrry! It was our youngest son's birthday and we island hopped to Tenerife and spent the day as tourists which was fun. It was a very long day and we had to leave casa chaos for 16 hours, which was stressful. I worry about everything, and have to be organised, and in control. Therefore, when away I worry about the animals, and what is happening in my absence, however, it appeared very little did actually happen.

My daughters boyfriend had the duty of letting the ducks out and putting them away, this is a privilege and I made sure he knew that if he he got it wrong, I would remove his heart with a spoon. Yes, I am really that scary, and he is scared of me which is always good. However, in his defence, he did actually do a good job, and managed to retrieve Jill from up a mountain, and give the rabbits water, so small pat on back!

Everything else seemed to cope, which was fantastic, and restored my faith that I do not need to be here every hour of every day. Although I love Casa Chaos I have begun to feel that it has taken over my life, a friend asked me to join the gym the other day, I pointed out I do not have enough time to brush my hair let along leave the house.

Maybe I need the animals far more than they need me! who knows but it was lovely to have a day off, but even better to be home, back to the chaos, noise, and stress. Now its light I will survey to see what damage was done yesterday, as already found a dead rat, eggs everywhere, oh and JIll out again...welcome home!

Stagnant duck waste

Dirty, dirty ducks, is all I have to say! How people have ducks in their houses amazes me as they are dirty! Our pond is cherished by the ducks, to the point that Billy spends most of his time in the pond, which means he poo's in their all the time. Billy also has an obsession with the pond lining, which has become an issue as he pecks his way through it on a regular basis. We have discovered that the easiest way to clean the pond, is to remove the old lining and start again.

We have thought about other options including cementing the pond which will stop Billy eating through the lining, however, this is expensive, and not something I have the money for right now. So, a new pond liner was needed. A Spanish guy did suggest cutting his beak off, however, this I felt was a bit extreme, and maybe a step too far.

We begun the mission with enthusiasm, however, stinky duck waste is vile, and soon my youngest was finding other jobs to do, but my daughter and I got on with the task of removing the old liner. Once this was out, the ground sheet could be dried. As with every task here all the animals get involved, and soon we had the ducks, cats and dogs all watching us and getting mucky in the process.

Flippantly my husband said "why don't you dig the pond deeper since the liner is out" and in a split second of madness I considered this to be a fantastic idea, and rushed off to get shovels.

What should have been a 30 minute job, I managed to transform into a 3 hour job, but it was a good job done, as the ducks can now freely swim around the pond. Billy was first to jump in and spent the rest of the day ensuring that the water would not remain looking so clean for very long!

Cat biscuit thief

Food in our house appears to vanish, whether it be chocolate, and biscuits out of my kitchen, or cat biscuits it all seems to evaporate into thin air. As a Mum I know that kids eat, eat and eat, and my two are no exception, I can go to the supermarket and within a few days all the food I have bought has been eaten. Now my kids take the odd thing they aren't supposed to, however, unless they have lost the plot, they are not eating the cat biscuits.

We keep the cat biscuits, dog biscuits and rabbit food in the kitchen in tubs, with lids, that are closed at all times. However, the cat biscuits are rapidly declining, and with my ever increasing feed store bill, I could do without that too be honest. So, I pondered the cat biscuit issue, as i have nothing better to do with my time!

Either the kids were eating them, tasty and nutritional it claims on the bag...hmmm maybe not! or something was getting into the tub, and closing the lid, which is the bit I found strange. So I waited and watched, again I have nothing better to do with my time. In fact it didn't take long to catch the cat biscuit thief, as they had become complacent and thought that no one was watching.

Just to clarify I was not sat in the kitchen under camouflage waiting for the thief, I was in there baking, when Diablo appeared. Now he often sits on the tubs that are next to the cat biscuits, so I didn't think there was anything strange i his behaviour. However, I soon realised his position had an ulterior motive as he could sit on one tub, and flip the lid of the biscuits with his paw.

Just a few quick motions and the lid was up, Diablo was in, and enjoying his breakfast. Now Tazzy being a curious, pain in the butt kitten, decided that she wanted to see what was going on, and joined Diablo in the acrobatic attempt to lean in the tub, and recover the biscuits. Unfortunately  Tazzy is far smaller and fell head first into the biscuits.

At this point she couldn't get out, but Diablo knew he had to close the lid, and back away before anyone noticed him. Therefore, he closed the lid on Tazzy and left her to face her fate alone, when she was caught with her paw in the biscuit tub. Thankfully I had witnessed the whole event, or Tazzy would have been blamed for the whole event.They say there is no honour amongst thieves, and this is so true in Casa Chaos.

Lucy is not a happy duck...

I have never seen so many different animals want to sit on one batch of eggs before, and Lucy is not a happy duck. She has decided that she wants to sit on her eggs, which is fantastic as duckling sis something we really want. However, there are two chickens which are stalking the eggs, and at any opportunity also want to sit on the eggs.

This caused territory wars yesterday where both billy and Lucy had hold of the chicken with their beaks attempting to drag the chicken off. But she was determined they were her eggs, and she was staying put, in the end my son went and removed the chicken. The only problem is he noticed that there were two chicken eggs mixed in with the duck eggs, and before he could grab them, Lucy was sat back on her pride and joy.

I wonder what will happen if Lucy has chicks, I presume the only issue will come when she tries to teach them how to swim!! Therefore, we need to extract the chicken eggs, and contain the chickens in the orchard  which I feel is going to take a chainsaw..to cut the escape route not the chicken! This should hopefully leave Lucy in peace to hatch her babies, and ensure that they all float when they are in the pond.

Talking of ponds, we have to replace the pond lining again as Billy has decided that this is his afternoon entertainment to peck at the pond until it leaks. Thanks Billy another job to be added to the "to do" list! which never gets any shorter. Oh to be rich and employ someone to carry out all necessary maintenance and repairs....we can all dream!

Breeding rabbits

Ok, I am beginning to think that I know very little about many subjects, as I always believed that rabbits breed a lot, hence why people say "breed like rabbits" however, there is no breeding going on at casa chaos. Before getting Miss Thunderpussy I Googled, and it all seemed quite complicated, therefore, I turned to a Spanish guy I know and asked his opinion.

In all fairness it was his idea in the first place to breed rabbits, and he advised to just "throw her in with the others, and let them get on with it" now this seemed far easier, and more sensible. So, we did, Miss Thunderpussy now has some friends, but we don't appear to be having any babies. She has been in there for 2 months, and nothing, not a sniff, SO, back to Google I will go.

I have a dreaded thought that I will need to extend Casa Stew, and build another area, for Miss Thunderpussy to be placed separately, and then added for breeding. Why can'y even my rabbits just get on with it, cause me no headaches, and produce what they are supposed to! If I didnt want babies, I would have hundreds....

So, operation build another wing of Casa Stew will need to be scheduled, I havnt told my husband yet, I might just leave that for later, when he is in a good mood, and hope that he smiles and wanders off to get a hammer!

Sitting on eggs

Usually when I see a chicken sitting on eggs feeling broody I panic, and want her off so that we can use the eggs, and have no rescue attempts of chicks. However, when I wandered past the duck house the other day something caught my attention. The eggs that are positioned neatly in the corner, had someone sat on them, however, it wasn't Nellie or Lucy.

It was a bloody chicken, who had decided that in her wisdom she was going to sit on the eggs. Now this puzzled me for  a moment, is it possible for chickens to hatch ducklings, or would they very quickly realise that their babies were in fact not theirs. if we allow this crazy chicken to remain on the eggs, what will happen?

So, I Googled, and apparently people have let their chickens hatch the ducklings, which seemed to be a success. Until, the small matter of the fact that ducks swim and chickens don't. This in my mind is a rather large issue, and could cause problems when the batch of ducklings want to take a little dip. Will mum chicken stand on the edge guiding the ducklings, or will she at this point think her brood are completely insane and give up on them completely.

With this in mind, I do not know whether to leave the eggs and hope that one of the ducks will decide that they do in fact want to sit on them, leave the insane chicken, and see what happens, or take the eggs and make a cake...decisions, decisions.....

The day arrived.....

Yesterday was the day that Peppa was butchered, and although I knew it was happening, and I had complete confidence that the butchers knew exactly what they were doing, I had a few stressful moment leading up to yesterday. I have learnt that with farming, you cannot get attached to anything, as things die, they go wrong, and this can cause heartache. With everything I do in life I stand back and assess the outcome, I research, take notes and ensure that it was the right decision, and Peppa was no different.

Raising Peppa for food was an experience, and I can stand with my head held high knowing that she had an amazing five months, she ate the best, lived like a queen and was treated with care and love. The atmosphere yesterday was calm, quiet and organised, which is not like casa chaos. The children knew Peppa was going, my daughter shed a few tears, but understood that this was going to happen, and maybe wished she hadn't got so attached.

As Peppa was lead from her pen, she followed dutifully, and in a weird way knew her fate, she didn't bolt, and run around which she typically does, she calmly accepted this was the end of her journey. I will not go into graphic details, as I do not need any more complaints, however, the butchers were skilled at their task, and the job was completed quickly, and efficiently.

The butchering process was interesting, and we were there for every stage, discussing what we did want, and what they could take. The Spanish eat every part of their animals, which I find fantastic, however, we don't so when offered the brains, heart and tongue, I received strange looks when I declined. However  when I said that I wanted the liver and kidneys, they seemed puzzled.

We discovered that a huge majority of the pig was fat, and even the butchers said she was incredibly fat, and that she should have been leaner. There were several learning curves, which I will take forward, to determine whether we will go down the pig rearing journey again. However, the morning was a success, we had a butchered pig, a freezer full of meat, and a happy butcher.

Our pig raising journey was complete, we had seen it to the end, and been there at every stage. I still stand by the fact that our method was natural, humane and will produce the freshest pork. My children were mature, and walked away without comment when they had seen enough, and returned when they felt it was right.

I am proud of my daughter, as although she might not have agreed with the butchering, she was there from start to finish, which showed an immense amount of maturity. She helped to clean up, clean the meat, chop and bag the meat, and even muttered that the butchers were skilled. At present she is refusing to eat the pork, I'm hoping this will change in the future, who knows! I keep being asked if we will get another pig, my son wants one to call it Hamlet!! hmmmm at the moment I am enjoying the fact that I do not have to worry if a 100KG lump is smashing anything up...in the future....never say never....

New Chicks..

I was only thinking the other day that I seemed to be controlling the broody chickens, and that we hadn't had any chicks for a while. In a way I had missed the little bundles of fun, but with so many other things going on I was secretly pleased that none had appeared. There had been no frantic grabbing of gloves, boxes, and climbing up mountains...until yesterday.

My son was supervising dogs, or that is what he should have been doing, however  in typical 10 year old style he was exploring. Now his exploring usually entails him finding some piece of junk, which I have to hide and dispose of once he is at school. However, when I heard the distinctive tone of "mummmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee come quick" I knew this was no typical junk. With that he let out  a machine gun speed set of words "chicks,mountain,falling,oh NOOOOOOOO!

I reached the spot but realised that I was in fact on the wrong side of the fence, but was there to witness two very small chicks go cascading off the edge. As I rushed to the bottom orchard I was amazed to see the chicks happily stuck in the furrow, and mum fussing over them. So, operation grab chicken begun, and typically even with only three chicks this took longer than predicted.

We finally had mum and babies contained and released them into the maternity wing, where Peppa gazed hungrily through the wall at them (yes she is still here, manana, manana, manana) they looked so small compared to the other chicks that really should be released into the big bad world of the orchard. I decided that it is nice to have chicks, and I might turn a blind eye to the wandering broody chickens, as long as they return with chicks!

Neglecting friends.....

I have a hectic life, I had a hectic life before moving to casa chaos and now it just seems to be never ending. There simply is not enough hours in the day, to complete all of the tasks I have to on a daily basis. I find myself juggling too many balls and occasionally I drop some, and they smash! Unfortunately  the ball that gets dropped far too often is my friends.

I have some very close friends, who understand my life means I have very few spare hours, therefore, broken conversations, and days without speaking is normal. However, I feel I have let one friend down, and I feel awful. This friend is going through a time in her life that no one would want to experience, as recently her husband died. I cannot imagine this awful thing happening to me, and think that she is coping with it far better than I ever would.

This friend is super, super strong,and I think this is why I have neglected her which makes me a bad friend! I was speaking to her briefly last night in a quiet time of casa chaos, apologising AGAIN for not going round and seeing her, and that I will make the effort soon. As I keep making the same promise, I'm sure that she is tired of hearing it, and for that I am truly sorry!!

Thankfully this friend has been to casa chaos, reads the blog and understands that I REALLY do not have enough hours, but even so, that is no excuse. So, I considered that If I cant leave chaos, she could come to me for a cuppa and a chat. This seemed to be an excellent idea, and she was even happy that she would have to listen to Jack the horny goat whilst enjoying her coffee. As she said anywhere else you get offered biscuits, in casa chaos you get to listen to horny goat noises!