The aliens are landing

Night times in casa chaos are typically calm as everything is in bed and acting as normal as they possibly can. With the nights being darker, everyone is rushing around to try and get things done before it is pitch black. You forget how dark it is in the campo, no light pollution at all, which is fantastic. However, it does mean that when strange lights appear that they are questioned.

Last night there was a lot of noise, and strange lights hovering above next doors orchard, which could only mean one thing. Either the aliens had decided to land their spaceship there, good choice, better than on my trees, or the strange Spanish man had decided that in the pitch black was the ideal time to pick fruit. Yes you guessed it, the later was the cause of the lights, noise, and general activity.

Now I know I'm no expert fruit picker, but even an uneducated person would know that picking fruit was better done in the daylight! However, my neighbour has decided that in the dark, with a cherry picker and torches is the best time to be picking his crop. I appreciate he may be busy, and that there are very little opportunities to gather his fruits...but come on in the dark!!!!

Maybe this is the prime time to be picking fruit, and I am in fact the strange one for picking mine in the daylight, when I can see what im picking, where im standing and more importantly what is stood next to me in the orchard!! you will very rarely get me in there if it is dark, as it comes across as a scene from the Blair witch project, and I do not want to be found dead next to a mango tree.

So, even if he is a genius and every farm should have fruit picking sessions through the night, I will not be joining them any time soon!

The date has been set....

Finally we have decided the date that peppa will be butchered  she has one more weight in but we are confident that she is at her target weight. I am not announcing the date to anyone, as I am concerned that I will have a mob of angry "save Peppa" campaigners stood in the drive. However, the butcher s booked, and the realisation of rearing an animal for meat has set it in.

Peoples reactions over the whole Peppa thing still amazes me, and I have found very few people that are interested, or understand what we are doing. Far too many people judge, condemn and make comments that make no sense. They seem to have an image stuck in their head of a small piglet that looks cute, that was raised in the house as a pet.

Trust me Peppa is not cute, she is over 100kg of pure destruction, and has a means et of teeth on her, which have been used on all of us at some point. Maybe it is just human nature to judge things and comment on areas that you have no idea what you are talking about. Am I a pig expert no, but I have consulted the experts, which included Google, and have ensured that everything is going to be done correctly.

The whole journey has been interesting, and now as we discuss the parts of the pig that the butcher will keep , and the parts that we will have it makes the process seem more realistic. The Spanish butcher cannot believe that we do not want her head and trotters, but honestly he can keep those. However, on the same token I am amazed that he turned his nose up at the liver and kidneys!

Although, I have eaten pork all my life, I have learnt a huge amount about just how much can be used from the pig, and that pork produced the most edible meat than any other animal. So, as we prepare for this final part of the journey, we will still hold out judgement as to whether we will rear another pig.

Careful what you wish for!

All summer I have gone on and on about rain, how we need some, that it would be fantastic to have some, however, now we have some, can it stop now! Yesterday the rain started in the morning, it was brilliant, it felt fresher, cooler, and the trees were dancing in the rain. within two hours of the continuous rain, I was beginning to grumble, as it got colder, darker, and everything was wet!

It then rained for 12 solid hours, and I very quickly remembered why I lived in the sun, as everything turned to mud, sludge and was leaking. Casa chaos is an old house, therefore, when it rains, things aren't so water tight, and there are leaks. The outside furniture got soaked, the terraces flooded, and the animals all attempted to hide under shelters.

The ducks loved the rain, and were staring at everything with puzzled looks to question why we were all complaining, as they danced in the puddles, and swam round in new ponds that were quickly appearing. I however, remained in the house as the rain got heavier, and thoughts of getting very wet when it came to feed everything loomed.

We just are not designed for rain, the chickens have no where to hide, the boxes for the chicks have wholes in them, and the whole area fills like a swimming pool, but hey we needed the rain. Spending the afternoon up to my ankles in mud, and trying to figure out how I would feed everything without the food getting washed away, I returned to the safety of my dry house.

This did not improve my mood as the dogs, cats and humans had walked muddy footprints through the house!! Yeah we needed the rain, but I'm hoping that was it, for a while, although when I got up this morning it looks as if there may be more on the way!

Winter is here!

The clocks have gone back which always causes chaos, and people always forget that they should have done it, which is amusing. It also signifies that winter is finally here, and we won't have any more excessive heat. I know I live on a hot island, but come on there is only so much blue skies, and sunshine that a girl can take.

Therefore, to wake to rain this morning was lovely, it freshens everything up, gives the trees a well earned soaking, and reduces my water bill, so, a win win situation.  The rain here is strange as it will often rain really hard, and soak everything, but within a short space of time, be dry again. Which is what it has done this morning, rained for hours, and now has stopped, to allow the sun to poke through the clouds.

Hopefully we will have some more rain this week, which will give my oranges the boost they need, and ensure that we can begin picking soon. As with the mangos. I am no orange expert, so presume when they look like an orange, feel like an orange, and are orange they are ready! The oranges we are looking forward to as there are so many possibilities  and we all love oranges so no pig/goat/duck/chicken will be getting those!

So, with winter around the corner, and Halloween nearly here...it is pumpkin carving, and scarecrow making day!

Why I don't leave the house

People often ask me why I don't leave the house that much, and a few are concerned that I am turning into a hermit. The truth is the effort to leave my bubble, sometimes  just isn't worth the hassle, as it is like a scene from the Krypton Factor Assault course. Where I don't come out of the end of it a winner, but a very poor loser!

Take yesterday as an example, I was meeting someone for coffee  a very special lady, who has always been there for me, and who I speak to everyday, but rarely get to see. So, this was a monumental occasion, and I had even brushed my hair and put on a clean top! So, I was ready, I took two deep breathes and picked up my phone, keys and bag and went to leave...this is where the chaos begins..

I have to grab the kitten and make sure that she is in the house, as she is too little to be outside, whilst trying to push Charlie, the ever escaping Yorkshire terrier back into the house with my foot. This has to be done without causing attention to Max who believes that everything is a game, including trying to leave the house, OK part one complete...

Down the stairs and past the rabbits, oh crap they have no water, so reverse to the tap and fill the water bowls, moving on past the goats to discover that Jill has escaped through the fence and is heading up the mountain, oh double crap I've got flipflops on! Oh well no time to put boots on so into the orchard to get dirty feet, Jill back in the orchard, and note to self must clean feet with wipes in car!

Ok, I can see the car, it is in my sight, past the main orchard and all chickens present and correct, wait what's that I can see oh treble crap there are three escapees basking in the sunshine, shall I leave them, oh crap, crap,crap I know I can't, so off to the feed store to get corn. I have worked out that the chickens throw a victim over the fence everyday knowing that I will appear with corn to get it back in, hence they all get corn, which is quite a clever plan, just not today!!!

Escapees back in and sworn at, ok moving faster now as I am already late, I reach the car, throw my bag in and notice out of the corner of my eye there is a duck, which is a good thing, however  the duck is not where it is supposed to be. So, back out of the car, and round the ducks up, Jessica/Justin refuses to move, oh why today you stupid huge ugly duck!

Ducks back in pond, and I walk briskly to the car refusing to look left or right, focused on my goal of the gates. I drive down to the gates, open them, jump back in and drive through to the safety of the barranco, close the gates, and breathe...Off I go to civilisation  and coffee I have made it..only 20 minutes late, with dirty feet oh crap, I still need to clean my feet, oh well they are under the table, and people wonder why I don't leave the house!

Free range chickens

Chickens typically go into coops of an evening, and get let out in the morning, but here like everything else my chickens are not the norm! Apart from the fact that I don't have a big enough coop to house them all, rounding them up is an impossible task! People never seem to understand the concept of free range, and still believe that free range chickens are controlled in some way, but mine aren't!.

I needed to catch five pullets the other day, and although every day they are in the pig pen at feeding time, on this occasion they thought they would take a little wander. When I say a little wander I mean to the back of the orchard and sit there staring at me as if to say HA we aren't stupid.

So, up and down the orchard we went trying to catch my wonderful free range chickens  who seem to have an ability to walk really slowly until you are within grabbing distance and then speed off faster than the roadrunner. Thankfully, their stomachs got the better of them, and eventually we caught them, but not without running the distance of  a football pitch at least 5 times.

People are really quick to tell me how they should be put away very night, and that it will make them easier to catch, and that leaving food trails will help me to catch them. I would love to leave these helpful people in the orchard with a bucket of corn and the army of chickens I have and see if they nicely follow anyone into the coop!

I think we take the concept of free range to the next level as realistically I have feral chickens that we feed and they produce eggs, it is a relationship that works well for everyone! That is until we need to catch them for something, which thankfully doesn't happen that often. But, the rooster man is due soon, which is filling me with dread, as he will expect the roosters to all be stood in a line waiting for his arrival, a bit like a line of school children going on a school trip.

I know this will never happen, which will result in hours of shouting, swearing in two languages, and being lectured about why my chickens need to be put away at night!! Oh well, I have been putting this task off for long enough, and need to book him in, so will dig out the trainers and be prepared for an afternoon of exercise, just what I love NOT!

Sad animal lady

I  remember when I was growing up there was always the old lady that had far too many animals, and everyone used to think she smelt, well I do believe that I am turning into that lady! Since we moved to Casa Chaos we have very few visitors, don't get me wrong I didn't have people banging down my door wanting coffee mornings before, but I did see a few of my "friends"

I have noticed quite rapidly that people wont leave the comfort of resort and venture out into the wildness, battling with the long 10 minute drive from civilisation! I saw one of my "friends" the other day, and she made polite conversation about animals, and made up crap excuses why she hadn't been to see us. It dawned on me at that point that she thought I was mad, and why on earth would anyone want to live where I do, with animals, dirt and chaos!

She claimed that it was too far...err 10 minute drive, that it was cold...well colder than sat on the beach, but far from cold, that there was mud! well actually more dust than mud...and last but not least there was animals!!! god forbid she might actually have to come into contact with a four legged creature. She went on to tell me that animals were dirty, stinky creatures that need to be kept away from people!!! At this point I did wonder how we were ever friends in the first place.

There are days when I think I am going insane and seem to spend more time talking to the goats than other human beings, however, to be honest, I get more sense from them. I now fully understand why old ladies surround themselves with animals, as you get more respect, love and conversation from them than a huge majority of the human race.

So, there you have it, I am the lonely old lady surrounded by smelly animals, slowly going insane....do I care nah not really, its when the animals start talking back that I think I might have been pushed over the edge!