Sunday, 22 March 2015

Do You Want Cock?

Many of my Spanish friends will type in English to me when we are talking, this seems to achieve two things, it helps them to improve their English, and provides me with a daily chuckle. I admire the fact that they want to improve their second language, and it is never their fault when I sit with my phone in my hand chuckling like a schoolgirl.

So, my phone went off and there was a message from Mrs C, who on the whole is excellent at speaking in English, and typically causes no major outbursts. However, anyone that sends me "Do you want cock?" is going to get a line of laughing faces back. This typically does offend the Spanish, as they often don't understand why the laughing faces, but come on Do you want Cock was always going to create that answer.

Mrs C then came back with "What? What did I say wrong?" I explained that it was nothing, just my crap foreign humor, however, Mrs C is one to Google and learn, so the next thing that came back was " Cock,,,Rooster...Correct?" yes , yes I replied, and then the screenshot came, faster than lightening she had googled cock!

All I could think was what Google did she use, and OMG what a definition, she clearly at this point understood my laughing faces emoticon. Mrs C was mortified that she had asked if I wanted the male reproductive organ, and I explained it was fine, maybe just a little early for a rough bent up cock! 

The next photo she sent was of the cock.... all was revealed, I agreed to take the cock, and there ended the English lesson for that day!

Friday, 13 March 2015

Coffee the Magical Substance that Can Save Your Life

I always thought that Americans drink a lot of coffee, however, the Spanish rank right at the top, as they consume a lot throughout the day. The also have a fantastic ability of making up new coffees at all times, which will often cause confusion when in a local bar. Many Spanish drink dark, strong coffee that really can wake the dead. This leaves us foreigners the delight of a cafe con leche, and in fact this was the first thing I learnt to say in Spanish.

If you know me, you will know I love coffee, in fact I drink a lot, which is often cause for concern for many people. However, I can assure you you should worry more if the coffee runs out in my house! I don't consider my coffee drinking to be an overindulgence, in fact it it healthy for you to drink a lot of coffee!

I am often told that high levels of coffee will kill me, this is a huge myth and even drinking the quantity I do will not bring the grim reaper knocking on my door any time soon. I am also told that I will become a nervous wreck from all the caffeine, and although there are days when I am twitchy , I am never nervous.

The smell of coffee in fact relaxes me, if I walk into a room where the coffee is brewing I have an overwhelming calm feeling. Coffee stimulates the nervous system, therefore, if you want me to be calm, pop some coffee on before I arrive. In a recent study sleep deprived rats were calmer after catching the aroma of freshly brewed coffee... I know how they feel...

Coffee is also a fantastic way to produce order in my life, it is a small but effective ritual that happens several times a day. However, coffee must be served in just the right way, Some people simply do not get this fact! It is not just a cup of coffee it is MY cup of coffee. So, if you want to get on my good side, ensure that my day goes well, and that there are no dead bodies....brew coffee, and take the time to sit and drink this amazing cup of liquid sanity!

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

One Long Easter Egg Hunt

When the fence came down from the chicken area, we all thought this would make life easier, and everyone would be happy. We thought this was a great way to ensure that the eggs were really free range, and I stupidly believed that the chickens would continue to lay in the boxes!

However, in a short space of time, I am now wishing the fences were back up, it is like having an army of small feathers troops ready to annoy and destroy. They go everywhere, I find chickens in the stables, duck house, under my car, and quite often tormenting the dogs.

Although egg production is good, we spend half the day picking up random eggs, as the chickens lay EVERYWHERE. If there is a gap, bucket, bin, feed bucket, or bag they are in there laying. So every day we go off with a bucket, and collect eggs from every last inch of the property. The other issue is that the chickens now let them selves in and out, a bit like a wayward teenager.

Some are incredibly rebellious, and do not go to bed until dark, and others are up before it is light.... maybe it is the same chicken and it just never sleeps. ALL I do know is that they always turn up for food, again like a teenager. So to fence or not to fence...... hmmm the debate continues!