How Cold?

This winter has been strange, one minute it is hot, the next wet, and then we plummet to sub zero temperatures, ok maybe not, however, it has been very cold. I hate the cold, and it hates me, one of the reasons I left the UK was to escape the cold, yet it appears to be following me!

I am a cold blooded, some would say I have a rock instead of a heart, oh well, still alive, but this winter it has been harsh. Although the temperatures are not minus anything, it has dropped to below 10c in areas which is unheard of here in GC. This has resulted in me becoming an onion, yes an onion, and ensuring that I have at least five layers on at any given time.

There have even been nights where I have crawled into bed in my jumpers, do not judge until you feel the cold! The onion process is good, I leave the house in the morning typically wearing five layers, byt the time I have driven down the mountain one comes off. Hitting the motorway causes another to be removed, and by the time I reach the south, there are clothes all over my car.

The process is repeated throughout the day, layers on, layers off....this is the way I have coped with the last few months, and it is effective. So next time you see me and you think I have put on weight, nope it is simply the layers! Roll on summer, when I can moan how hot it is here!

Free Ranging!

My unicorn is far from magical, and it tests my patience on a daily basis, he often ends up where he shouldn't and has no boundaries at all. The other day we went out, no where exciting, just away from the chaos, which is always a bad thing to do. Within an hour, my phone rang, Magic was in the chicken pen..... no if you know my property, you will know that the chicken pen is a 6ft chain link fence, cemented into the ground with poles.

So, of course my next question was how the hell he was in the chicken pen, to be told that he had simply walked through it, taking the fence, wall, poles, and cement with him. Before you ask, nope nothing scared him, he simply wanted the chicken feed. In his desire to get to the feeder, he has demolished a whole fence, and got stuck.

Eventually the small people managed to return Magic to where he should be, but the fence was no more. When I returned, I simply shook my head and kept walking, the fence could wait until morning. The next day the debate started, do we rebuild, make stronger, or design another fence. At this point I honestly thought what the hell, lets just take down the fence. Magic had done most of the work, and what is the worst that could happen having 50 chickens wandering around the property.

So, the fence came down, the chickens came out.......and they went no where, they were so used to being in the fence that they did not venture anywhere. Well for the first few days at least, we now have animals everywhere. When you walk in to our property, you will notice that the cats, goats, chickens, ducks, horses and even the rabbits are out and about.

Rotting Corpses!

The other night when the builder was here it occurred to me that we had not heard the neighbours for a while, she has such a distinctive voice, a bit like nails on a blackboard that there is no mistaking when she is around. A discussion then begun about what to do if they were dead, of course they could not be on holiday, they had to be dead.

I mentioned that if they were dead, and we found their rotting corpses, I would take my roof back that he stole, the builder took that one step further and commented, if there were rotting corpses take everything! By the time he had left I had wound myself up into a state believing that both pedro his annoying wife and all the animals were dead!

The next day we begun to plan "operation dead Pedro" now to be honest I didn't care if he had departed this earth, I was worried for the animals. Therefore, I stood on our wall looking in to the property, but as his is some distance of us this was never going to work. Throughout the day we listened for her voice, the car, the annoying yappy dogs, and nothing.

So, I had no choice but to leap over the wall, into his property to begin my rotting corpse search. Now to say he lives in a house would be a lie, in fact his shed is worse than my goat shed, so there wasn't much to explore. I decided to find a window to look in, and all I could think was have you never heard of glass cleaner!

There I am peering through a dirty window, when suddenly I felt someone was watching me, oh yes Pedro was stood behind me with a look of WTF are you doing. As I turned and smiled sweetly, I begun to walk backwards really quickly, muttering "sorry I thought you were dead.....and you should really clean your windows" Both statements he was not impressed with at all, yet again I seemed to have failed at how to make friends with the neighbours!

Small things in Life!

Everytime I turn around there is a new leak, and I had begun to realise that we simply did not have enough buckets to cope. It wasn't because I didn't want to pay to have them fixed, it was because I couldn't find anyone who would a) drive up here as it is just sooooooo far and b) do the job properly. I typically stay away from brit builders as I have had far too many bad experiences with them, and also they are the first to say "I'm not driving up there it is so far"

However, Mrs N recommended a builder and if she liked him he must be good, I was also told he drank as much coffee as me in a day so he must be brilliant. The builder arrived for a "look" this is more than a lot of them have ever done, and he didn't get lost and was on time! As we wandered around looking at one leak after another, he asked to see the dogs. Another plus point, the guy liked dogs, it was going well.

Before he managed to leave I had found him 300 other jobs, and we had agreed a price and a day. Well Monday couldn't come quick enough, I was fed up of buckets, and leaks. The builder was great he fixed the leaks, and soon discovered that new ones appeared...welcome to my world.

After a long day where he wouldn't give up and was determined to fix every last leak for me, I noticed that I had a shiney new tap on one of the pipes. I turned, smiled and said in a really girly voice, "oh, thanks I love the shiny new tap" He looked amused and said " you are easily pleased" Yes I am it is the small things in life that make me happy.

It is no Surprise Anymore!

Well my day started like any other, far too many things to do and not enough time. However, for once it was normal, boring things that needed doing. We were doing the routine, bank, post office, recycling shopping trip, which I hate at the best of times. The queues in Spain are a nightmare, and at this time of year they seem to go on for miles.

I had left the post office until last as this is the one I hate the most, however, on this day it suddenly got interesting. As we sat and watched the long line of people with the boxes of gifts to be sent to friends and family, I noticed one was moving. At this point I was interested what was in the box, my initial though was if you are posting a puppy, you had better put some bigger air holes in the box!!

Me being me had to ask, so off we went to randomly ask the man with the box what was in the box, and he casually answered with "A duck" Posting it anywhere nice was the next thing out of my mouth, which didn't seem to hit the humorous note it was intended. At this point he thought I was just stupid and not funny, and explained he was intending to simply let the duck go!

Well mouth engaged before brain, and the words " I will take the duck" fell out of my mouth. The next moments were a blur he smiled, handed me the box and I found myself sat in the car with yet another duck in a box! How do I manage it everytime I go somewhere, as we headed home hubby messaged and asked "did you get washing powder" I replied "nope but I have a duck" ....he didnt even ask why or where or how, a simple OK came back...... It seems that I do not shock people anymore, I must try harder!

Sharing Food

Magic has never been very good about sharing food, however, we have a breakthrough as he allowed King Julian near his food this week. Now we are not sure if he intended to share, or he just couldn't see the small, sneaky goat under his nose. For at least 10 minutes there was a definite sharing thing going on, and I even had time to take photos.

In magic's defence shortly after the photo he did chase the goats away in a fierce, I will kill you motion. But we have small steps forward, he no longer wants to kill and bite everything within a 4 mile radius of his food. Maybe after another 5 years we can remove the approach with caution stickers!

One Stop Treatment Shop

I am often at the vets, and joke that they should treat me for different ailments, as I am far too busy to go to the doctor. Therefore, why was I not surprised the other day when the vet did exactly that. I have been bitten by a cat, now this may not sound anything serious, however, it hurts like F**k.

Bites are common with what I do, and I can say I have been bitten by all animals, and cats are the worst, they simply do not let go. so when catching a cat the other day it latched on to my finger, and the next minute there was more blood than a murder scene. Although the teeth are small they bloody hurt!

One cat caught, my finger started to swell, and then go black, and then fill with puss, all a lovely sight for everyone. I kept looking at the finger thinking I must do something with it, but got caught up with a busy day, and headed off to the vets. Whilst at the vets my rather big mouthed daughter decided to tell the vet, hoping he would encourage me to go to the doctors.

Encouragement was not what happened, in a swift ninja maneuver, the vet had hold of my finger, in a vice like grip. For a small guy he is strong, as I soon discovered when I tried to wriggle free. He had hold of my throbbing finger, and was not letting go. As the needle appeared I knew the next few minutes would be make or break.

As the needle went in, and the squeezing began, I could only think of one thing.......I was going to kill my daughter. Finger all squeezed I was allowed it back, and through gritted teeth thanked the vet for his treatment, and then turned to my daughter and said " revenge is a dish best served cold!"