Max update....

Max is fantastic, I know I am bias as he is our super pup, but he is great, and we cannot imagine life without him! As far as pups go, Max is incredibly good, and well behaved, he hasn't decided to chew through the furniture, or cause havoc when we are out. Don't get me wrong he is boisterous, playful and chews my feet when I first get up, but on the whole he is brilliant.

Like any puppy, Max loves anything that moves, and considers every animal to be his personal chew toy!  Which is fine, however, there are some animals, which dont take kindly to him hanging from around their necks! Jack being one, and will happily butt Max out of the orchard when he comes to play. Max has worked out that if he hangs from Jacks horns, he can be swung around like a rag doll. What might look painful to everyone else, Max finds fantastic, and returns for more, time and time again.

We think that Max's mum was a Labrador/retriever type, as he has fantastic skills when it comes to bringing me birds, as he proved the other day. Both dogs always come in the orchards when we are in there, and although Max is wary of the bigger chickens, the "10" who have recently been let out of the maternity wing are fun, as they run and flap, whilst squawking loudly, perfect attraction for a boisterous pup!

Max decided that one of the "10" needed bringing to me, so he happily grabbed one, placed it in his mouth and bounded across the orchard like an expert retriever! He didn't harm it, bite it or scar it, he did however, scare the s**t out of the poor bird, that was stunned when Max dropped it at my feet, Max had no idea he had done anything wrong, as he sat wagging his tail, proudly looking at the bird he had brought me, hmmmm might have to work on the "what Max can pick up skills"....

Teaching a pig new tricks.....

My son loves YouTube, which I am never sure if that is a good thing or not, as he spends hours on there watching videos. However, in his defence it is usually videos about star wars or Lego, and how to build a zombie colony from numerous plastic bricks. Another favourite subject of his is to look up rabbit toys, games for ducks, or as eh did the other day how to teach a pig tricks.

I don't have the same relationship with peppa as the kids do, and they see her as a play thing, where as I see her as bacon. Don't get me wrong my son is fine with the thought of Peppa being in the freezer by Christmas, however, they are convinced that she can be taught like a dog. This I am really sceptical about, and think that she is simply a lump of lard.

The kids begun by teaching her to sit and then lay down, which is all encouraged by food, however, my sons mission was to teach the fat lump to roll over. Which is a monumental task in itself given her size, however, she just about manges it encouraged by the thought of lettuce. Yes she is yet another animal that goes into a frenzy when she sees lettuce.

My son is incredibly proud of the fact that he can get the pig to perform like a circus poodle, however, as I keep saying on a daily basis, we are not keeping Peppa regardless of what tricks she can perform, and how cute she looks when she is laid on the floor waiting for him to scratch her belly. However, when she is laid on the floor, she is distracted and not trying to smash her way out of the pen, I wonder if he would move into her pen for the next three months...hmmmm

Swapping Mango's

We have discovered that other people love mangos, we don't which is a huge issue for the sheer amount that we have here, however, they are good fruits to barter with. Alongside selling the mangos, I have discovered that people love to swap them for a huge number of different things, and some are amusing. If you have been following the blog you will remember that I swapped mangos for Jack and Jill, which was strange, but everyone got what they wanted.

Since then I have swapped more of this sickly, stinking fruit for books, potatoes and expert advice. People seem to love the idea of bartering fruit, and will happily take bags of them for something I want, which is funny. I even paid my lawyer in fruit and chickens! (you do need a certain type of person to accept that offer)

I think people love the concept of swapping fruit for services, or other items and it reminds them of a far simpler time, when money didn't make the world go round. I am trying to see how far I can push the fruit swapping and want to see what the next big item will be! I am realistic and know that a car or house are out of the question, however, I was offered a horse the other day in exchange for mangos!!!

Goat Therapy.....

I can see why many people consider goats to be clowns of the animal kingdom, as they have a way of amusing me every time I grab my boots and enter their orchard. They may not have the sleek, beautiful appearance of a horse, or the speed and agility of a dog, however, they have an incredible sense of humour. If a horse is a king, the goat would be the court jester, ready to entertain at every opportunity.

The goats bounce around the orchard like "kids" full of energy and enthusiasm of every task they attempt. When they fall over, they get shake themselves off and go back to doing the exact thing which caused their fall. King of the mountain is a game that Jack and Jill play for hours, and never seem to tire, of who can reach the top and push the other off the mountain with a mock head butt.

The goats love people and attention, and will come running when they see you approach, which is very rewarding. The like to use you as a human scratching post, which can be rough now they are getting larger. Jack loves to bring his face really close to yours, starring at you with his deep brown eyes, just before belching in your face and running off, like a small child.

No matter how bad my day is, or how I am feeling spending time in the goats orchards is a fantastic way to lift my spirits and relieve stress. I love watching them having fun, with no cares in the world, other than how many mangos can Jack fit in his mouth in one go, or jills obsession with trying to climb up the trees. Therefore, if you feel stressed, or need some time away from the everyday chores of life, grab yourself a goat and enjoy some goat therapy!

Alcohol and animals.....

I learnt yet another vital lesson over the last few days that alcohol and animals simply do not mix....as I have a hangover, and every animals seems to sense this and wants to cause me an even bigger headache than usual. I can deal with the chaos, which is produced her every day just about when I have a clear head, however, today it isn't going to happen.

We were invited out last night which doesn't happen that often as I don't play well with other humans as my husband puts it, however, we embraced the invite and went out for something to eat and a glass or two of vino. Unfortunately, away from the chaos, the vino flowed too freely and a glass or two turned into three bottles. The quantity is not so much an issue, as the getting up the next morning, which I have struggled to do today.

As I raised my head off the pillow later than normal the cats and dogs were staring at me with a disproving look, indicating that they did not approved of my time keeping. Every noise, squawk and squeal today seems to be louder than normal, and I am praying for a peaceful, non eventful day. However, this is never going to happen, but I can hope!!! I just want one day where I don't hear:

• The pig/goat.chickens/rabbit/dog is out
• The fence/wall/pond/coop/pens are broken 
• That anything is dead/injured or in need of me moving
• That anything needs cutting/pruning/picking or planting

In fact I just want a normal day, where I can drink coffee, watch crap TV and quietly die in a corner....and for the person who just text me asking where the blog is today, and why it is late, I am getting there...just slower....

Feathers everywhere...

Every aspect of chicken keeping is a learning curve for me, and there are far more aspects than I ever thought to keeping them happy and healthy. My egg production took a nose dive a few weeks ago, which I put down to the heat, stress, and just one of those things. However, it hasn't picked up and I was beginning to get concerned that there was something that I was doing to stop the eggs being produced.

Not only were the chickens not laying, but they are also very quiet, which is odd, as they make a huge amount of noise from morning until night. Google is usually my saviour, however, on this occasion there was hundreds of things listed, which could be affecting their mood and egg laying abilities. Then the feathers begun to appear, not just one or two, but hundreds, everywhere.

The orchards look like someone has emptied a pillow all over the floor, at first I thought the chickens had been attacked and that all I had left was feathers. But the chickens were still there, still quiet, but with less feathers. Everything was getting far too confusing, so back I went to my office and Google. You would be amazed at the strange things that I Google, and on this occasion I typed..."feathers everywhere help"....and if by magic the answer appeared...my chickens were moulting!!!

I didn't have a clunk, clunk, clunk moment as I had no idea that chickens moult, why they moult, or how this affected eggs, but after 20 minutes of reading I felt better informed.  Apparently all chickens moult, every year, and whilst they are moulting they don't lay eggs!!! Now this process can take up to 16 weeks, which is quite a period of time to have walking, eating machines, and no eggs!! But hey, its all part of being a farmer and an unexpected one at that!

Composting.....

I write many articles about composting and knew that a state of the art, super, duper compost bin was going to have to be constructed...It would save the never ending debates of what to do with the old bedding  garden waste and fruit. Unfortunately, compost piles, go hand in hand with slimly insects that love the moist, humid conditions.

My compost pile plans were progressing nicely, and then the debate of where to place it begun. It had to be not too far away, as small people do not like walking any distance to complete any tasks! However, not too close to the house as there is a change in this heat it would smell. Now, I know they say compost heaps don't smell, but they do, not a pungent smell, but a mild decomposing smell.

With the compost bin built and the waste being placed inside, it had begun to compost down nicely, however, placing the waste inside is a challenge. I am convinced that there are all number of creatures living inside, which causes this feeling of dread about placing anything in there. If I get too close to the bin, I might see "them" and as we all know the things that lurk and are referred to as "them" are the worst possible nightmare!

Approaching the compost bin carefully, you have to learn to get the waste inside quickly, and without the millions of compost living flies shooting up your nose and sucking your brains out! I have pondered standing some distance away and throwing the waste, however, I am a crap shot and this would only result in me dropping it all, and having to tidy it up.

I have decided that maybe I wasn't put on this earth to compost, but I am giving it a try, and I have decided that this can be placed under the daddy job list! I love the idea of composting, and write so much about the benefits of good quality compost, however, for the moment we will continue to fill and see what happens without much effort.