Feeding the Ducks

I am convinced that there are a huge amount of stupid people on this island, and they aren't leaving any time soon. I know I can be sarcastic, but many of the things that I say, you can tell that I am joking. Well, I always thought you could until the other day when a lady believed I got ducks because I was too lazy to walk to the local duck pond.

I have begun to let more people visit Casa Chaos which is my first fault I do believe. They come in and do ooo's and arrrrr's and then ask stupid questions. How I answer entirely depends on my mood that day, some people get the truth and others get a ridiculous line, which is blatantly sarcastic.

This particular day was a hot, long day so when this lady asked why I decided to get ducks, I replied with:

"Well, I love feeding the ducks at the local pond, but cannot be bothered to walk there, so I bought my own ducks" "saves on petrol, effort and time, I can grab some bread, sit on the bench, voile feeding the ducks with no effort at all"

At this point I expected a reaction, a laugh or something, but this lady simply said " Oh WOW what a fantastic idea, how clever" now I did think for a split second that she was playing me at my own game and was being sarcastic back. However, she really isn't that intelligent and I realised that she had believed me.

Can the UFO that dropped all these stupid people PLEASE come back for them, as although they are fun to play with, they are becoming tiresome!

Don't Mess with the Goat!

Since Rico departed the goats have been far calmer, and Jack has even attempted friendly. However, he showed yesterday that he is a powerful animal, and friendly is not in his nature. Mornings are always manic here, as everything wants food NOW. There are animals that will wait patiently, and others that simply will not, the goats are in this list.

As I went down jack was out, and had a pissed off look on his face, I was late feeding him and he was going to make sure I knew. Being half asleep and with no coffee running through my veins, Jack caught me off guard. He hooked his horn around my leg and attempted to push me back down the stairs.

I must admit I don't cry often but the shock combined with the pain was intense, and just as he had backed off, he came again. There was no mistaking that Jack was pissed off, and he wanted to let me know. As he flung me down the stairs I retreated and admitted that he was far tougher than me.

The problem with all animals is that we forget they are animals, and not just our pets which make them unpredictable, and at times dangerous. So, nursing my injuries, I am avoiding the goats for a while, and remembering that an animal that size will always win.

Excuse my white leg, no time for sunbathing...

DIY Flycatchers

Flies they have always been an issue in GC, even before we moved to Casa Chaos. They are othing like English flies that hover around the lightbulb in the middle of the room. These are dive bombing flies that head for your ears, and eyes, and are generally a giant pain in the arse.

I have spent years trying different ideas, and to be honest very few work, however, someone told me about the wine bottle one, which peaked my interest. Firstly because it involved drinking most of the wine, which is always a good idea! Secondly because it involved mango's which I have plenty of here!

Any old wine will do, but as I had to drink 3/4 bottle I thought it better be wine that I liked. SO, after a few glasses at the end of a long day, I saved the remaining few inches for operation kill fly. All I had to do was peel some mangos, drop the peel into the bottle and voile one fly catcher.

The concept is that the smell of the fermenting fruit attracts the flies, they fly into the bottle and are either too drunk or too stupid to fly out! The problem is that I need more than one fly catcher, so I think a heavy drinking session is needed. Why am I thinking that is a problem!

Summer is Here!

With the hotter months here it can only mean one thing...I spend my whole time moaning about the heat, trying to stay indoors, and avoid everything and everyone. However, this rarely happens, as I spent yesterday mending fences, picking mangos and chasing chickens.

Yes, the mangos are ready so I spent two hours picking mangos in horrible heat, knowing that I will itch for days. I also spent over an hour chasing a chicken that had decided that chicks in the orchard was a good idea. Finally she was caught, all chicks in maternity wing for her to fly out followed in Houdini fashion by the chicks.

As much as harsh winters are hard for the people all over the world, the summer months here are tough. Nothing gets done properly as the heat drains every ounce of energy. You can spend a huge amount of time on one task because you are hot, irritable and just want to find shade.

So, excuse the moany Monday blog, but I'm hot already and its only 7am, and roll on those cooler months when I can moan that it is too cold in Casa Chaos.

Goat Transportation

Well, finally I found Rico a home, and no it wasn't on someone's dinner table however, tempting that would have been. Some guys wanted him as a pet, thankfully not in an apartment but on a finca. In initial discussions they asked if Rico would sit on the back seat of their car, at this point I realised I was going to have to transport him.

Telling hubby that I was going to transport Rico in the car was never going to be easy, however, providing the facts of take the goat or the goat stayed he agreed taking the goat was the way forward. Arrangements were made, times set, but this meant I had to work out how to transport him with as little damage to my car.

I knew Rico was good on a lead, so had decided that I would clip him down in a similar way to the dogs. There you go sorted, until hubby mentioned the two bloody great horns that Rico now has on his head. OH F**k now what, I have a glass back windscreen and I did not need Rico's horns going through it.

Goat transportation horn muffs were needed, and I knew just the thing. So, off son went to  pop the collar and lead onto Rico and just as he reached the car on went the horn muffs! They worked brilliantly, and I think they should be patented. Rico went to his new home, and for that split second I felt sad, and then I remembered how quiet it used to be in the goat enclosure!

Catching the Chicken!

Ok, I may be no expert, but I am pretty sure that catching a chicken should never be as difficult as when catching vicious Mama. I had stupidly left it too long, therefore, she had escaped the small compost heap in favour for the drive. This meant that catching her would be a nightmare.

I actually then left her in the drive for at least two days, warning hubby as he went to work, "please, don't drive over the chicks" with his reply of "why, don't you just move them" PAH, little did he know this was a task that needed all of us, safety gear, and a couple of rakes.

The crunch time came when Jake and Finn (the ducks) considered the little chicks to be food. So, I grabbed a rake, broom, cat carrier, hubby and son and decided that it was time to catch the kung foo kicking chicken. Even though she was attacked a while ago, this chicken can still Kung Foo kick and she means it when she is protecting her babies.

There was no getting her in the box, and I sure as hell was not getting close enough to catch her, so there was only one thing for it....send the small child in to steal the chicks. My excuse was he was smaller, and far more agile, the reality was I pay the bills and am far more use alive than dead.

Eventually he kidnapped the chicks, and at the speed of light ran for the maternity wing, with vicious Mama closely behind. Her and her offspring were safely behind the fence, and we could all breathe a sigh of relief...until the next time!

Mango Season is Fast Approaching

Yes, it is that fateful time of year when we spend hours in the orchards picking mango's and regretting every moving into Casa Chaos. The mango's appear to be growing slower than last year, but they are beginning to fill the trees, which can only mean one thing, Mango season is nearly here.

It is lovely to receive so many messages asking when the mango's are ready, and every time I post a photo of a mango, it sets people into mango frenzy. However, I need to apologise to the woman the other day that received the short and to be honest rude reply about the mango's.

I know you all love the mango's, but honestly I am not hoarding them for myself, as she accused me of doing. If you know me at all, you will know I don't even like mango's. So, when this lady sent me 15 messages in one day about the mangos, asking, questioning and doubting.

I did inform her that I was hoarding them, I didn't want to sell them and I was going to eat them until I was sick! At this point she called me selfish and that was the last correspondence from her thank god. Honestly guys when they are ready you will be able to buy them until every last tree is bare!