How much does the pig weigh?

Someone asked me the other day how I had weighed Peppa to determine that she was 20KG, as I keep referring to her as that weight. They questioned my pig knowledge, and asked if I had weighed her recently..errr no! The same opinionated person (who shall remain nameless) also told me that I need to weigh her to determine whether she is putting on the correct about of body weight.

As I stood there pondering the fact that maybe this person was correct, I wondered how the hell I was going to weigh Peppa. Firstly I didn't have a baseline weight as I didn't weigh Peppa when she arrived, ok ok rookie mistake however, I'm learning! Also the thought of trying to get Peppa near scales is simply not appealing, and in my opinion weighing her would be like teaching her to sing.. annoying and a waste of time! So, I decided that I would use my expert pig knowledge to look at her and determine how heavy she was.

Quickly I rushed off to Google in search of other pig farmers in the same dilemma, as I entered " how to weigh my pig" I had that insanity feeling again, but hey they happen every day! Now as usual there is always a clever pig farmer on hand to assist, and it seems that measuring your pig was how to discover the weight.

As I read on, it seems that you need to measure from ears to tail, and girth, then multiply length x girth x girth, divide by 400 and hey presto you have their weight! No lifting, swearing or scales needed, what a fantastic idea. All you need is a piece of string and a pig that stands still, hmmmm that could be the issue, how the hell do I get Peppa to stand still for long enough!

Pig measuring will need to wait for another day, in fact it can go on my ever growing "to do" list that is become a book rather than a list. Oh well, just another day in the culo del mundo!

Is she happy to see us?

My daughter is convinced that Peppa is always happy to see her, and that when she comes running over making the strange grunting/squealing sound that only she can do, it is because there is some bond there. However, I am not convinced that the 20KG lump could possibly be affectionate towards anything. As Peppa is growing she is becoming a handful, and her teeth are being used for far more then eating! On several occasions she has nipped someone's leg, and I'm pretty sure it was to see if we tasted good.

Knowing how much to feed Peppa is a challenge, as we need to ensure that she eats enough, but not too much as she will eat and eat without hesitation. Peppa reminds me of a professional eater, that just dives into the plate of food, without any consideration of indigestion. Therefore, ensuring that Peppa has enough food to stop trying to escape, and not too much that she will burst is a headache.

I put my daughters theory to the test and asked her if Peppa is happy to see her when she has a feed bucket in her hand, or all the time. The protests of all the time were loud, but I was still not convinced, so I told her to feed Peppa, and return after she had eaten to see if she got the same reaction. Twenty minutes after she had fed the pig, who had run over, and squealed and stood whilst she rubbed her back the first time.

This time Peppa was laid in her mud bath, soaking up the sun, farting and blowing bubbles (this she does quite often) when my daughter approached, Peppa did not even lift her head, she was more concerned about the mud than any human contact. The enthusiasm was defiantly less, and the fact there was no feed bucket in her hands indicated that it was all about the food!

Lettuce fetish!

Chicken food is extremely boring looking, and I think all animals deserve variety in their diet, therefore, I like to give the chickens something different. They used to get the veg scraps before Peppa arrived, but as everything now goes to the big lump, the chickens were missing out. I Googled some different questions regarding chickens and vegetables, and it seems there are people more mad than me, which does amaze me!

I have always fed the chickens and chicks lettuce, just basic, standard lettuce, and they all go mad for it, and will fight to get the unassuming pieces of green nothingness. Lettuce is one of those weird foods, that we all eat, yet it has no nutritional value at all. If they see me coming into the orchard with lettuce, they all begin to circle me, like the great white shark in JAWS.

I have no idea what the fascination is with lettuce, but they are amusing to watch when they run from every corner of the orchard, racing to beat one another to the tasteless leaves. This is the extent of my input into their salad diet. However, when Googling, I found some interesting websites which detail how chicken owners have built their chickens salad bars.

Apparently you need to build the chickens a covered salad bar, so they can watch their food growing, but they cannot get to it until it is grown, and comes through the chicken wire..Surely that is like dangling a piece of chocolate cake behind a fence in front of a fat kid, pure torture! Anyway, I continued to read on, and it would appear that you need to plant "special" chicken salad to go in your torture box!

Why on earth is there specialist chicken salad seed mix, however, it does get stranger as it appears, you can also buy chicken caviar!! at this point I moved away from the strange website, and decided that
even on my degrees of madness, I feel it would be a step to far if I asked hubby to build me a torture box, I mean salad bar for the chickens!

Battery update

We have affectionately named the rescued hens, the batteries not very original, but it means I can talk about them and people know what I mean. They are all doing well, in fact far better than I imagined and are all still alive. Now, I am not shocked by this due to my ability to kill animals, but because of the overall condition of the hens.

Watching the batteries is amusing, and they perform the strangest of manoeuvres especially when something appears to be threatening to them, i.e a leaf, or a twig. Yes, I am being serious, these poor animals are terrified of everything, including their own shadows. It is like they have been in solitary confinement, and are unsure of what the outside world holds.

As they do their ninja moves throughout the orchard, well the two foot in front of the gate, as they have not ventured any further, they are amusing. However, they have two incredibly strange habits which cause use the most humour. Where they lay and where they sleep! these two factors cause me to chuckle, and I know its not their fault, but it is funny.

I understand that the batteries are used to small confined spaces which is why they feel comfortable sleeping in the furrow. For those not in the farm lingo know, the furrow is like a small, narrow ditch, which runs through the orchards to allow water to run freely through the farms. Thankfully at this time of year it is dry, however, unless they change their sleeping habits soon, they are going to get wet.

Now laying, I am used to feral chickens that lay everywhere, however, the batteries do it in style, as they lay EVERYWHERE. Thankfully in a two foot radius, making it easy to find the eggs! however, they just stand up and lay an egg. So wherever, they are stood, there will be an egg, which includes, by the water, in the food, in the furrow, by the gate, under trees, you are getting the picture now!

Unfortunately, this has made it easier for the egg thief to strike (see previous blog) causing me to have to perform an egg check every ten minutes! Whoever said farm life was easy, has obviously never lived here, however, they are good layers and they are now part of our mad world!

Capturing the egg thief

We had noticed that occasionally when we went to collect the eggs from the top nesting boxes there were a couple that had been smashed and the contents stolen. At first I put this down to clumsy chickens, and if you ever meet mine you will see why I consider them clumsy! However, these were either the most clumsiest of chickens, or something else was breaking and stealing the eggs.

I considered that it may be a chicken breaking the egg for food, as this can be a common problem, however, finding the culprit would be a challenge. How are you supposed to tell which chicken stole the egg? I asked a friend this question, and wisely he answered " she will be the one with egg dripping down her beak" He also advised collecting the eggs as often as possible, however, I pointed out that surely the chickens would have the "inside" information regarding egg production as they are the ones laying the egg.

I wasn't convinced that we had an egg eating chicken, and continued to ponder other possibilities, then one day we found a lizard in the nesting box, and considered this to be our egg thief. It made sense the lizard had discovered an all you could eat buffet at his fingertips. We knew there was no way to stop the lizards other than collecting the eggs regularly.

We seemed to have out witted the lizards as there have been no breakages for a while...until we caught the real thief. Our cats follow us everywhere including through the orchards, so when Diablo our smallest one decided to follow us one day and jump onto the nesting boxes this was normal. However, Diablo proceeded to jump in the nesting box, and gently tap one of the eggs against the side of the box until it smashed.

Next, he sat quite happily licking his golden prize, until there was no more egg, and only the smallest amount of yolk on his nose and whiskers! Well we found the animal with the egg dripping down their face, who would have thought it would have been a cat. However, in this mad house, nothing surprises me any more!

Where does the water go?

The duck pond vanishes every day and I often wonder where the hell the water goes, and before someone says it no we don't have a leak! I know the sun evaporates a lot, but I'm sure the ducks are drinking it, which is gross as I've seen the colour of the duck pond. The expression "like a duck to water" is often used, however, until you see the ducks in action, you will never fully understand what people mean.

Ducks are incredibly messy and they do like to make a mess of everywhere, including the pond, I thought my daughters room was disgusting, but the ducks make her room look like a palace. They poop everywhere and it is liquid, therefore, their bodies must absorb a huge amount of the water, and transform it into stinky poop.

Our ducks have been here now for over 2 months and they have grown into monster ducks, who care about three things in life: each other, food and water. They have drinking water and when they first arrived they would drink a pint in an hour, which is an achievement. Maybe ducks believe that they need to drink the recommended 8 glasses a day to remain healthy, however, they drink far and beyond that in a day.

I worked out that if I was to drink the same amount proportionally as my ducks, I would need to drink 150 gallons of water a day, which would mean I would never be off the toilet! God I thought 8 glasses was difficult, unless coffee is added. So, if the ducks aren't drinking the water, where the hell is it going? Obviously some of the water leaves the pond when they do their daily water aerobics up and down the pond.

The ducks are incredibly funny to watch as they splash and dive, which probably explains where the water is going, and as they enjoy drinking their own body weight in stinky water, which according to Google is natural I will leave them to it. Filling the pond daily, gives me the time to watch them perform and show off, so I don't mind really.

Pig wrestling

Peppa has an incredible ability of getting out of her pen, usually just as we are walking out of the door! A bit like the way that a baby always throws up on you just as you have got changed...we considered her pen to be secure, but as she is getting larger, and her curiosity is growing she finds the strangest ways to escape.

Now escaping is one thing, but chasing her around an orchard is getting boring, and she thinks it is a fantastic game. We have considered allowing her to run around, but I am concerned that if she gets out of the orchard, the road is her next place, and she would make huge road kill!! Therefore, we have to catch her, which is not an easy task.

Peppa thinks the whole thing is an exciting game, where she runs around head butting chickens, eating the irrigation system and causing havoc, oh yeah that is the other reason she cant wander freely, she destroys everything in her path! As Peppa is growing she is becoming boisterous, which is no fun when you are faced with a 25kg pig.

If you have ever tried to round a pig up, you will know that it is like an Olympic event, where you need speed, agility, and to be completely crazy. Whatever direction you head in, Peppa runs in the opposite, and just as you get near her, she runs off. We always start off calm, calling her name, and trying to persuade her that her pen is better. However, within a short space of time I am usually threatening to stick an apple in her mouth, and throwing a feed bucket at her.

Thankfully my daughter is fearless when it comes to the pig, either that or too lazy to run around after her for hours. She quite often grabs the pig, in a rugby tackle manoeuvre, and carries  her back to the pen, which at the moment is possible, however, I'm not too sure that in a few weeks it will be as Peppa is expanding rapidly.

Operation build Peppa a new pen needs to commence soon, before she becomes too large to rugby tackle, and too boisterous to control. Anyone that ever thinks these animals are good pets needs their heads testing, she is a smelly, loud, lump of lard......but she is quite funny too watch :-)