I want my bed back

Years ago before the chaos, and the mini zoo I had a normal life with just one dog, who was never allowed to sleep on the bed. However, now it seems that everything joins me, whether I want them to or not! When we had just one cat it wasn't so bad, but now there are four, it is a scramble for space. There is the added factor that our small dog seems to be content on there as well, and the foster pup often ends up there to add to the lack of space.

There are many nights when there simply is no room for people, and you have to perform a clever maneuver to get under the duvet. The strange thing is that during the day, nothing sleeps on there, but the moment night fall approaches, and I attempt to move closer to the bed, the animals descend.

Hubby has the biggest task as when he gets in from work everything is comfortable including me, which means that he has to disturb something to get into bed, typically he disturbs everyone. There are many nights when I seem to spend 30 minutes throwing animals off the bed, to find them back on it again a few minutes later. In the end I purely give up, and attempt to sleep in the tiny area that I have left.

Oh, to be normal, where I can star fish in bed, and only have the hubby to contend with, those were the days!

When the chaos gets too much even for me!

There are days when I hold my hands up and think what the hell am I doing, why don't I live in a normal house, with one dog, one cat and a goldfish. Even I can be pushed to the limits of simply wanting to walk away from the chaos. I have a full time job, which at times is stressful, and puts a lot of pressure on me, which is when you can guarantee that the residents of casa chaos push it too far.

Yesterday was one of those days when I just wanted everything to be normal, but it was a hectic, stressful day that left me exhausted and doubting my abilities to make casa chaos work. From the moment I got back from the school run, everything went wrong. The cat brought me a chick, alive I will add, which alerted me to the fact that the stupid chicken in the fountain had hatched and was attempting to leave the fountain.

I rushed down to find the chicken on the stairs, the chicks on the wall, with four cats and a duck looming in to see what was going on. Relocating chickens and chicks is not a one person job, but I had no choice, and spent 20 minutes attempting to rescue chicks. One got lost in the wall, but I had to give up, as Jessica was attempting to kill Lucy, and smash her eggs!

Moving on to the next issue, Jessica got booted (sorry but patience now wearing thin) to turn and discover that Jack and Jill were still in their cave up the mountain and refusing to come down, if she gives birth in there, I am NOT climbing to go and get them. I then realised that Rico had followed them and was bleating loudly like a small baby in immense pain.

Now logic would say he is a goat, and will come down, however, Rico doesn't realise that he is a goat, therefore, wanted rescuing. Job for son me thinks, as I am NOT climbing up the mountain, I have already  rescued a chicken and a duck that was me done for the day. Hubby appeared found the chick, which was quite sweet, and it was reunited with mum.

To top it all Miss Thunderpussy has decided that her motherly duties are over, and is spending more time with the boys. This would be fine but the four bundles of fluff still need her, so I spent most of the day returning her to her side of the enclosure. I also discovered Lucky sat on eggs in the furrow, what is it with chickens and dumb places to lay eggs, and have far too many lemons even for me.

Sorry this blog is a jumble of rambling, but all in all it summed up my day, and why I feel into bed exhausted, and wanting normality.

Pregnant or not?

I was asked the other day if I had baby goats yet, which I don't, however  the amount of jiggy jiggy that was going on a few months back I will be amazed if Jill is not pregnant. The problem is unless you are a master goat herder, you simply cannot tell. During the conversation about the goat, and how to tell, this person calmly asked if she could not take a pregnancy test.

Now, have you ever seen a goat peeing on a little white stick before...No neither have I, and I am not chasing her around the orchard encouraging her to pee anywhere near me. I have Googled to see if there are other ways to tell, and it seems there are a few, but again not the most pleasant ways.

Well you can perform the good old classic vets trick of hand/arm up bum, which no way in hell am I doing. Another way to tell is to look at her "LaLa" (I'm trying to be polite, so I get no more complaints) which will apparently be puffy. Firstly I have no intention of looking at her LaLa, and secondly, I didn't look at it before, to know what is puffy and what is normal.

Some goat experts claim that you can just tell if your goat is pregnant due to the size of them, or Jill could just be fat! So, for the minute, who knows, she may be pregnant, she may be fat, whatever, she is she is spending a lot of time in a cave 80ft up the mountain....please god do not have babies up there as I am not climbing up there to get them!

Lucy is back on eggs

After the disaster of Lucy and her eggs the last time, I was really nervous to let it happen again, however, she begun to lay in the extension, and I realised that if we shut her in there every night away from Jessica the psycho duck the eggs would be safer and she would be calmer.

So, every night Lucy would be lifted back into the extension, where she has accumulated a nice pile of eggs. Once the batch was complete, she feathered the nest and the sitting begun, it is now a race to see who can hatch first, and produce ducklings. Billy is doing fine on his/her batch, and comes back every day to eat and swim in his beloved pond.

I am slightly nervous about having two batches of ducklings, as if they all hatch that will be over 30 ducklings to contend with. The duck extension may not be big enough I fear, and I may have to sweet talk hubby into building yet another one. Having an ever expanding family can be such a chore! For the moment though Lucy is happily in the extension, Billy is in his big pile of twigs, and poor Nellie has to share the house with Jessica.

Jessica seems to be growing again, and I am pretty sure that she is attempting to be the largest, fattest duck in history. Her neck is now the size of Mike Tyson's, and her legs would give Tina Turner a run for her money. There is something odd about Jessica apart from her ever expanding body, he/she loves hubby and will actually eat from his hand, this we all find strange.

However, as long as she stays away from the ducks and the new ducklings when they arrive he/she is safe, the moment it touches one, I will be preparing the orange sauce!

Jack hates Rico

As you will remember we have a new addition to Casa Choas in the shape of a goat, now Rico is cute, looks like a cow, makes a lot of noise, but is overall quite sweet. The problem is Jack hates him, and I mean really hates him. At first I thought it was simply because he had to settle in, but there are times when I really do fear for Rico's little life.

Jack is big, strong, and the leader and he likes to display this at all times, whether it be to us, Jill or little Rico. The head butting wars are a daily occurance, and Rico tries to give as good as he gets, but alas Jack has a far stronger head, and you can hear them banging furiously every day. I have concerns that Rico will end up brain damaged soon, as his little head cannot take anymore.

I have taken to shutting Rico in the house during the day so that Jack cannot get to him, but Jack has worked out that he can in fact open the door, steal the food, and torment Rico. Jack has become the school yard bully that everyone avoids. I have pondered whether the aggressive, possessiveness could be due to the fact that Jill is pregnant.

Who know why Jack is being a bully, maybe it is goat behaviour, and perfectly normal, only time will tell, if they get on, or kill each other trying.

Bunny Update

The bunnies are doing well, and have now opened their eyes which is fantastic and makes them look more like rabbits. They are in fact rather cute now, Miss Thunderpussy is a fantastic mum and checks on them throughout the day. The usual debates have started about what is happening to the bunnies, and how can they be destined for a saucepan when they are so cute!

The problem is people need to understand that everything here has to make money, and slowly it is beginning to, and my profit to expenditure is finally beginning to look better. Having a mini zoo was never my intention, and although I love all of these animals I do have to draw the line. I have had several people asking about the rabbits, for their dinner which surprises me.

The question then came up about how old do they need to be before they can be on your plate, and apparently 8-12 weeks id normal. So, not long after they are weaned too be honest, so only another 6 weeks to go before bunnies become casserole. Heartless maybe, business minded always, and that is life unfortunately.

Until that date we will continue to take cute pictures of the bunnies, make sure everyone falls in love with them, before sending them off!

Postal Service

There are many things that you have to get used to living on an island that has a slow pace of life, and an extremely laid back mentality. However, I also believe that it is 2013, and simple things like receiving my post is not rocket science. I appreciate that I will not have it brought to my door, as I have a long drive, however, getting it in the post box would be a start.

When we moved to Casa Chaos one of my first questions was where was the post box, and I was directed to a tree on the road, where there was a number of old post boxes hammered to the tree. On closer inspection none had numbers names or basic details, so I pondered how the hell the postman knew where to put the post. I also had no idea which post box was mine, which was confusing, so we asked one of the other houses.

They assured me that the post box I was ripping off the tree was in fact ours, but when we finally opened it I was concerned that it had no post for us, yet post for every other house within a 2 mile radius. But undeterred, I bought a nice new shiny box, and just in case the postman was a bit slow, I wrote in big letter the address on the box.

I was expecting post, so checked the box every few days, being out in the culo del mundo, I knew they wouldn't deliver every day, but after two weeks and nothing in the box, I was concerned. So, I visited the post office. This is an experience in itself, which I attempt to avoid at all costs, therefore, I was not in the best of moods when I entered the building.

The post lady informed me that she had no idea, and to phone the other post office, where the post delivery person was. I rang them, and after a long, argument, it appeared that my house, the big white building that we live in does not exist. Therefore, although they saw the box, read the address, could not put the post in the box, as the house wasn't there.

Frustration hit an all time high, I went to the town hall, got the deeds, printed off Google maps, returned to the post office, but no, according tot he inbred postman, our house was not there. His claim apparently was backed up by 17 generations of Canarians, who all agreed that our house was simply not there.

Numerous visits, much shouting, and several heated discussions, led to an agreement being made that involved the postman standing at the post boxes, seeing if our post was there, and pretending our house existed  All he had to do was put our bloody post in the box that corresponded with the address on the letter. A trained monkey could perform this task.....and he managed it for 6 weeks, until we got a new postman!!