Nosey neighbours

People who know me well will understand this blog post more than others, as what might seem like friendliness to many people, irritates the hell out of me. My husband thinks that I should have  a Tshirt printed that says "Does not play with other humans well" and as I get older I tend to agree. I moved to cul de mundo to escape fraggles, tourists and anyone I do not want to speak to, however, I seemed to have moved to the core of nosey neighbours. I have decided that I need to learn how to deal with the neighbours without resorting to violence! 

Where our finca is you can only just see it if you stand on one leg, and squint through the bushes, however, we seem to have many people that find that a normal daily activity. Now, I would understand it if we were doing anything exciting, but picking fruit, or watering trees is not in my opinion very exciting. However, we are the talk of the village, and people will comment with "ooooo I saw you in the orchard" errr yeah I live there, now if they said "ooooo I saw Colin farrell in the orchard" that would be interesting.

In all fairness to the Spanish that live near us, they tend to point, laugh and grumble amoungst themselves, which I can cope with. They are stood over the road, on the gossip bench, and im sure i am not alone in their daily discussions. However, it is the few British that live near us that obviously have not had the nosey streak knocked out of them! 

There are several different forms of nosey neighbour, these include the passive snoops and the gargarrulous gossips. I have both near me, and god they drive me insane, to the point that I have been quite rude, but these people must have been born with thick skin, and no brains as they stand they smiling like some village idiot. 

Passive snoops are the ones that find any excuse to "have a nose" they observe every time we leave, who is in the car, how long we have gone for, and how long I am in the orchard. I can imagine this woman sat on her terrace with her bowl of popcorn on her lap and her binoculars primed. On the other hand the gossips are not ashamed about what they tell you, and if they don't know the facts then they make it up! (come on we all know one of these) They are the first t comment on anything, including every mundane task that happens.

Unfortunately, I have a combination of both that lives near me, and I have considered killing her, and burying the body in the barranco. I find nothing ruder than turning up on my drive un-announced and proceeding to plonk yourself on my sofa. This woman thankfully has only got in once, but she took 3 hours to remove, how many times can one person say " I have loads of work to do, shouldn't you be going" 

In the three house she gossiped, moaned, bitched and generally asked so many questions that my head hurt, and I was picturing how to shut her up with a heavy object. We now have the gates secured tightly, and she cannot get in, however, she does find time to stand at the post boxes waving like a mad woman trying to get an invitation back. 

Don't get me wrong the Spanish create a wonderful community, where people know each other and help when they need to. However, there are one or two that detract from the general nice feeling, and create this distrustful emotion. Unlike many I will say something, and I am sorry if I offend, but life is to short to tolerate stupid people, with nothing better to do than gossip. So, if you turn up at my place, remember I am like a vampire, you have to be invited, to be welcome!